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January 31, 2011

College drinking game, meet year-in-review list.

The philosopher George Santayana once wrote, “Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” Since you’re going to be playing drinking games in 2011 anyway, why not use those drinking games to learn from the history of 2010 and not repeat last year’s mistakes? By using these 2010-specific Circle of Death (or “Kings,” or “King Cup,” etc.) rules, you can do just that, getting drunk and educated at the same time.

Circle of Death Rules (2010 Edition)

TWO is JetBlue. You’re JetBlue Flight Attendant Steven Slater. Curse someone out, steal their drink, take a sip, and then storm away from the table with middle fingers extended.  

THREE is BP. Spill as much of your drink into anyone else’s mouth for as long as you want. While you are spilling, blame another person at the table, who then has to drink once. If the person whose mouth is being spilled into starts to choke, apologize, but don’t stop spilling.

FOUR is Four Lokos. Have 4 sips of your drink, and also 4 spoonfuls of sugar. Passing out two hours before everyone else is optional.

FIVE is FIFA World Cup. Everyone heartily toasts this person once, and then totally ignores him until the next 5 is drawn. Anyone who talks to or about the person who drew the FIFA World Cup card after the initial toast must drink, as he is a social outcast and a weirdo.

SIX is Dick Pics. You’re Brett Favre. Take a picture of your drink with your phone and send it to one other player. Whoever receives the picture message must take a drink, but only a really, really small one.

SEVEN is ‘Zona. You are the Arizona sobriety officer. At any time, “arrest” anyone who looks to you like he might be sober and make them drink.

EIGHT is LBJ. You are LeBron James. Declare that you are bringing your talents to South Beach, take a drink with two of your friends, and then stand on your chair and tell the rest of the table to suck it.

NINE is Chilean mines. The last person to get out of his seat and lay flat on the floor must drink. This person must also lay flat on the floor until the next 9 is drawn. He can still participate in the game, however, by calling someone at the table and being put on speakerphone.

TEN is Julian. You are Julian Assange, head of WikiLeaks. Tell a secret about anyone at the table. That person must then drink however much they feel the ‘leak’ merited; if the leak is really bad, that person will want to drink a lot, anyway.

JACK is Barack. You’re the Rulemaster! Make any rule you want.

QUEEN is Congress. You must propose a rule totally opposed to the current Rulemaster’s Rule. Until the Queen and the Jack agree on a compromise, everyone else is screwed over and must drink every time a card is drawn.

KING is Kanye. All of your sentences must begin with “I”; if you don’t begin a sentence with “I” or talk about how rich and/or miserable you are, drink.

ACE is Eyjafjallajokull, the Icelandic volcano. For the first three aces, he who drew the ace pours  as much beer as they want into the center cup or the “crater.” When the last ace is drawn, he who drew that ace pours all of the beer into his mouth, holds it there, and then spews it straight up into the air. This is, as you might imagine, the end of the game.