I didn’t want to have it to come to this, using a public forum in this way, but you’ve left me no choice. Every minute, all day long, my phone rings with a reporter or someone else on the other end wanting to know what I think about the signs of liquid water found on the Red Planet — the renewed possibility of “life on Mars,” if you will. Look, I’m just as excited about the discovery of flowing water on Mars as anyone else, but really, you have to stop.
Stop calling my house. Please.
I’m not a scientist. I’m not an astronaut. I don’t even really like to fly on commercial airplanes. I’m just a pop star who happened to release an iconic concept album about Mars, and yes, even a song called “Life on Mars?” and also an album called Space Oddity, and then a few other songs about space travel. OK, so maybe I overdid it with the space stuff, and that’s on me. Also, my son made that movie Moon that takes place on the moon, and I probably had a little bit of influence on that decision, at least tangentially.
But still, you calling my house and asking me about the water on Mars isn’t going to get either one of us anywhere.
If there was a scientific breakthrough about wild horses, would you constantly call Mick Jagger? Would you repeatedly call Elvis Costello if it were somehow discovered that angels wear red shoes? No, you would not, because they are musicians who don’t really know anything about those things, just like how I don’t really know that much about Mars. I know it’s red. I know it’s the fourth planet from the sun. And that’s about it.
I would like to read more about it, but I have been very busy.
Also,“Ziggy Stardust” isn’t even really about Mars. It’s about changing sexual and social mores among the young people of the time, with space travel and Mars used as a metaphorical backdrop for these themes. So before you pick up the phone, please keep that in mind.
How are so many people even getting my number? And what do you want from me? Some sort of pithy remark about the discovery that makes reference to my music? Yes, I guess that’s exactly what you want. Well, I’m sorry, but I can’t just come up with endless devastating bon mots and one-liners like I’m Lou Reed or something — my brain just doesn’t work that way, OK? I like to think about things for a while first; it’s just who I am.
What am I even saying? I don’t owe you people anything. Just stop calling my house about Mars.