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Published November 26, 2011

I think I can confidently say that I don’t really know people. Being able to know what someone is thinking would be awesome and it really should have a super power name. I mean it’s so cool, you’d think it would have a name right? Oh well. . . anyways, I’ve found that due to my inability to clean my room, or the rooms of anybody who’s amazing, I can learn a lot about myself by just looking at my dresser. When this little fact was discovered I quickly yelled out loud “ O MY GOD YO! DRESSERS SAY SO MUCH ABOUT EVERYONE ALIVE/ PASSED OUT DRUNK!”  Once I discovered this, I set out to learn more about the coolest person in my house. So I took a picture of my dresser everyday for five days (five long regrettable days.) This is what I discovered. . .

 

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 Day #1 Items

·         A doodle

·         An old math quiz with the word “Excellent” written on it

·         Loose change

·         And a Ipod Touch

For the first day we can see a doodle, showing that I have the artistic talent of a 2 year old Vincent Van Gogh. This doodle also shows my phobia of people who have one eye that’s bigger than their other eye, which is a very understandable fear that I think we all can pretend to agree is a super common thing to be scared of like spiders, clowns, or a Hello Kitty with rabies. Aside from the strange doodle, we can also see an old math quiz with the word excellent (that I picture in big cartoony letters) written on it. This is probably there to keep my notorious “I’m smarter than all these drag queens” personality alive and well. And there’s no need to worry people, I can assure you that it’s working.

Even though that “Excellent” keeps me as confident as a penguin that can fly, you can see some loose change next to it that’s reminding me that I’m still pretty poor and should stay in my place. The last thing we have on my dresser for Day #1 is an Ipod Touch filled with some great music. This basically says that if I ever want to become a failed DJ then I’m totally qualified right now.

 

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Lets give it up for DJ Not-So-Great

 

 

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Day #2 Items

·         The entire Scott Pilgrim Series

·         A piece of trash/bookmark

·         Loose change. . .

On this day you can clearly see all of Bryan Lee O’Malley’s Scott Pilgrim books (unless your legally blind, then you might not be able to see them or might not be reading this so who cares!) These books say “Ok this guy has a weird thing for books. . . classy.” The Scott pilgrim series is a mash up of comedy, action, and a love story too. This show's people that a person who reads these books is funny and lives life one flamethrower at a time, but don’t we all do these things at some point in our lives? There’s also a piece of trash being used as a bookmark, which is pretty depressing because this makes me look like a homeless book nerd. . . who may or may not have a blueberry muffin right now. Also, the loose change is still there, and it’s still a freaking downer.

 

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Loose change & garbage usually makes me look like a stressed female office worker

 

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Day #3 Items

·         Two Ukuleles

·         LOOSE CHANGE

 

For some reason two ukuleles were on my dresser that day, and I’m actually completely clueless as to the reason why they were there. Soooo. . . I get to make one up! Those ukuleles were obviously there to compete for my love. One ukulele is probably from the house of Montague and the other is from a frat house nobody really likes. It appears that the frat house ukulele is going to win my heart since the Montague ukulele has a incredibly stupid name and looks like a fancy douche. Sadly, in between the two is the loose change that I now believe only exist to make my life as sad and miserable as an Indian sweat shop worker. I seriously hope you burn in hell loose change

 

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Their life sucks but at least they don't have to deal with the horror of nickels and dimes

 

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Day  #4 Items

·         Bleach

·         A doodle of a smiley face that has the words “ David Rocks” on it

·         And a Snoopy t-shirt that says “All Lit Up”

 

This photo kind of concerns me. The t-shirt shows us that I may have gotten black out drunk and made some pretty bad decisions (decisions that probably involve Tim Burton movies.) One of the decisions may have involved vomit or evidence that had to be erased from the world due to the presence of bleach and my love for Law & Order: SVU.  Even though I don’t remember any of the details of why this group of items were in the same awkward place at the same awkward time (my life is pretty awkward) I think we can see that if you put bleach in any scenario then it will instantly become super suspicious. I’m pretty sure Mr. Clean has got some dinosaur sized skeletons in his closet.

 

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Behind that smile lies a man who probably killed Tupac Shakur

 

On the upside, there’s a doodle of a smiley face that says “David Rocks!” Which makes me feel full of sun shine and sunny E (the better Sunny D)  that makes me forget about all the terrible things I don’t remember doing while I may or may not have been balls out wasted. Plus, the loose change is gone! Yaaaay, my hopes came true!

 

 

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Day #5 Items

·         A guitar missing it’s G-string

·         My Ipod/Lover with a picture of Betty White eating a hot dog on it

·         The loose change. . .

 

For the final day we can see a entire guitar in all of its glory and pride. But if you look closely (with those awesome eyeballs of yours) you can see that this guitar is missing a serious part of its body, the o so important G-String. Maybe It’s just me, but I feel that a guitar missing its G-string is like a man missing his awesome MOM tattoo, in other words, I’m pretty sure both feel like less of a guitar. So let us all have a moment of silence for guitars missing their G-stings everywhere. . . . . annnnd we’re done. Unfortunately the loose change has come back to torment me yet again. Luckily it’s not all bad because my IPod is back in the photo! And it has brought with it a picture of Betty White eating a hot dog. And the fact that my iPod might have made us all giggle a little just now shows that I am unfortunately pretty hilarious. . . or at least my iPod is.

 

The dresser is a mysterious thing. You put your clothes in it and sometimes entrust it with your life. And another thing that we learned today is that it can seriously tell you a lot of things that you didn’t know about yourself. Perhaps you’re a undercover agent, drug abuser, fire fighter, another person, WHO KNOWS! So go to your room and find out!

 

@DavidAyalasOk (insert something classy here)

 

 

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