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December 01, 2010

A true embarrasing story that i defy anyone to beat.

Okay, i'm 23 years old and i still live at home with my Mum. 
One night i went out into town drinking with some friends, which is walking distance from my house. I had smashed down me a fair few G&T's not too mention enough Viagras to get the Pope fully rocked. you may think "why Viagra's" well.. basically i was spiked by my best friend Steve, he thought it would be funny due to me wearing some fairly tight fitting, yet very flattering jeans, it would only be right to pop 1 or 4! Viagras into my drink, so the outline of my fully aroused bang stick could be seen to all.

One side effect of drinking, Viagra, a disco full of hot girls in little clothes and not too mention one throbbing veiny custard chucker in my CK Y's, is an almost prehistoric, monumentally fucking overwhelming desire to put my angry little monster into a ladies fuck slot and leave it looking like somebody had punched a Big Mac.

so, eventually after prowling the club like a sex wolf, i found my prey, two in fact. i can't really remember what i said but whatever it was it worked! we where now on the drunken march to my house, they could probably tell by the fact my helmet was popping over my waistband what was in store for at least one of them, but my dong was getting too big for his balls and wanted to take on both of them well, he's the boss.

we arrived at my house and very noisily went into my bedroom, i wasn't messing around i put on some RnB, whipped my shirt off and starting doing some sort writhing love ritual pulling my hair across my face and girating. one of the girls phone went off it was her boyfriend!! she had to go, but suprisingly her friend stayed. it was ON nowww!!

The music was blaring, the lights where on, i couldnt take it any more i bent her over and jammed little monty (Python) in there. i went for it like a competitive bull rider she was squeeling like a sacrificial pig. i was in the jet stream of ecstacy. i opened my eyes to see the world around me. thats when i saw it. the most horrific and shocking thing a man could ever see.. MY MOTHER!!!
i didn't know what to do id never been in this situation before. me in just my socks, violantly doggy styling a stranger drunk with R Kelly playing at 300 decibels in the background, my mother in a dressing gown, no make up looking at me. as i looked back into my mothers eyes, i was still biting my bottom lip and plunging away at this poor girls snatch. my mother could see my glistening shaft still sliding back and forth before i could grab a blanket or anything to block her view she said "I don't mind you bringing girls back just keep the FUCKING noise down" and to top it all off she picked up the condom wrapper and put it in my bin!!

so there it is folks in all its glory. the most embarrasing moment in my 23 years on this earth. it's now safe to say me and my mother can be in the same room for more than 30 seconds together allbeit in complete silence. but im working on it.