Full Credits

Stats & Data

0Funny
0Die
29
Views
February 27, 2015
Published
Description

Deluxe (Super Joke Bucket)

This Sunday, the Seattle Seahawks and the New England Patriots square off against each other in Super Bowl XLIX, which is a fancy way of saying 49. Here’s everything you need to know BEFORE you watch:


NFL_Superbowl2015_6.jpg

If you ask a random person on the street, “What was the most scandalous moment in Super Bowl Halftime History?”, 99.9% of the time, they’ll tell you when we saw Janet Jackson’s tit. But how about these other, less remembered but equally scandalous moments?

  • Players may only spend time with game balls in the presence of a court-appointed chaperone.
  • Instead of loss of yardage, whenever the Patriots have a penalty, Tom Brady has to remove one piece of clothing.
  • If you miss a field goal, you have to watch the Katy Perry / Lenny Kravitz Halftime show.
  • If someone watching the Super Bowl at home yells out what play you SHOULD have done, you have to try it the next time.
  • After a touchdown, teams will be given a five second window to shout “Keepsies,” allowing their team to keep the ball, rather than kick-off to the other team.
  • Patriots are only allowed to cheat a little bit.
  • After getting sacked, the quarterback must stand up and do a little baby dance while shouting, “owwee woweee, dat hoowurt my baby booty.“
  • Seahawks fans no longer allowed to assemble into giant, murderous “12th man.”
  • Someone scribbled “Pats touchdowns are worth 8 points now! Swear to God!” into the rule book so I guess that makes it true? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • If a team captain kicks the coin as it’s being flipped directly into the skull of the head ref, killing him instantly, the game is a tie and everyone goes home.
  • Have fun out there.
  • All game footballs must be named (e.g. “Terry,” “Tabitha,” etc.) and referred to as such by referees when that particular ball is in play.
  • The team who is nicest wins, regardless of the score.

NFL_Superbowl2015_6.jpg

Ready for a fascinating Superbowl factoid? Janet Jackson’s nipple - the one unleashed by Justin Timberlake at the Superbowl Halftime Show in 2004 - has actually appeared in every halftime show since. Check out the photographic evidence below.

NippleJanet.jpg

Feb 1, 2004

Advertisement
Advertisement