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April 21, 2017
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Refuse the sexual advances of Bill O'Reilly.

“Work smart, not hard.” “Think outside the box.” “Be a team player.” With buzzphrases like these, any idiot can get promoted at work. But some people are actively looking to avoid the commitments and responsibility of a better job title. These are some tips for them:


Refuse the sexual advances of Bill O'Reilly

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Don’t be white and male

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Whisper “fuck yeah” every time a coworker shows you a picture of their annoying kid

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Make sure only Haley Joel Osment can see you

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Don’t reign in the clip art

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Tell your bosses that in five years you see yourself bathing in the blood of your rivals

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Order yourself a singing telegram every day to perform “Happy Birthday”

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Hold your boss’s hand and whisper, “Do you trust me?”

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Do the Cosby voice and ask everyone out for drinks after work

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Totally botch that executive order banning Muslims your boss wanted

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