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Published: July 06, 2012
Description: In a press conference yesterday Bono claimed he was the "God particle," and was relieved to finally get the attention he deserves.

U2 frontman Bono claimed to be the "God particle" yesterday in a press conference, where he also announced his upcoming solo album, "Higgs Bono."

"I never thought it would take a team of scientists to figure it out," said the singer-humanitarian. "But I'm glad to get the credit. After all, it took a long time for Saint Thomas to figure out Jesus was God 2,000 years ago. Why should it be any different today?"

When one confused reporter asked Bono if he knew that the "God Particle" is actually a subatomic particle responsible for giving matter different properties, also know as a Higgs Boson, Bono didn't miss a beat.

"It's a great question," he responded. "I think the moment I knew I was the God particle was when U2 released 'Joshua Tree.'" The singer then spread his arms to suggest a crucifix and added, "Just listen to 'With or Without You' and tell me God didn't write that."

Physicists and theologians still doubt that any recent scientific discoveries point to Bono as being God, mostly on the grounds that God would be taller.

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