2 Funny Votes
3 Die Votes
Published April 07, 2011

Despite numerous public statements expressing his desire to avert a government shutdown, House Speaker John A. Boehner (R-Ohio), has privately been telling colleagues that a shutdown would be like “Spring Break 2011, whoo-hoo.”

Boehner is seeking $40 million in cuts to last year’s federal budget and has been unable to strike a deal with Congressional Democrats. A federal government shutdown could result in the furlough of 800,000 workers and shut down tourist attractions.

Some government officials believe the reason Boehner is taking such a hard line in negotiations is his secret desire for a shutdown which would allow him to get away for an April vacation.

“[Boehner] told me he already has a Spring Break 2011 Good Times mix tape made. He kept bragging about how it had this hilarious remix of Rebecca Black’s Friday on it, and how he was going to Home Depot after his meeting with Harry Reid to get supplies for a do-it-yourself beer bong,” said one House Republican who asked not to be identified so as not to hurt his chances of sitting shotgun on Boehner’s spring break road trip.

With negotiations on a budget in constant flux, Boehner has had to keep his choice of destinations flexible. “Originally he wanted to go to Jamaica. Who knows how long this shutdown could go on for, he could be in Negril on 4/20. How sick would that be, mon?” said a staffer in Boehner’s office. “Now the Speaker is thinking he’ll keep it domestic, maybe Myrtle Beach in South Carolina. That would allow him to make a stop at South of the Border for some fireworks. Wherever he ends up, the American people can rest assured, beers will be chugged.”

It remained unclear who Boehner’s companions would be on the trip, although the list was likely to include Tea Party congresswoman and potential Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann. After speaking with reporters on Wednesday, Boehner was heard remarking to a staffer, “Bachmann Turner Overdrive is in for Myrtle, and when I asked her if she was up for a wet T-shirt contest, she told me ‘You ain’t seen nothing yet.’”