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March 28, 2011

Every week I interview someone in the public spotlight. Usually the most important people of all. Actors

Time Machine:  He has played a loose cannon detective that can pop his shoulder out of socket and a post-apocalyptic bad ass that can drive like Dale Sr. on steroids. He has directed Jesus and he has praised Jesus.  It is my pleasure to introduce to you the foremost anti-semite in his field, Mel Gibson.   

TM:  Why do you hate Jews?

Mel Gibson:  Next question.

TM:  Why do you love Jews?

MG:  That's it right there. I love em. I love the Jews. There's been a huge mix-up.  The cop thought I said, "The Jews are responsible for all the war in the world," when i clearly said, "The Juice is responsible for all the war in the world." 

TM:  Let me get this straight. You're saying that OJ Simpson is responsible for the war in Afghanistan? 

MG: That's exactly what I'm saying.

TM: You said to your ex-girlfriend and mother of your child, Oksana Grigorieva, that,"You look like a fucking bitch in heat. And if you get raped by a pack of ni**ers it'll be your fault."

TM:  My question to you is, how many ni**ers make up a pack of ni**ers? Is that like 3 or 4 ni**ers or like 200 ni**ers? Could you be more specific?

MG:  I was in a very dark place when I left those messages.  She was just..she...I..she...goddamn it...that dirty cunt whore gold-digging bitch...cunt...whorecunt...goldwhore...cuntwhore bitch.

TM:  Please Mel.  Please relax. Let's move on.  Is it true that Hollywood is run by the Mexicans?

MG:  Oh for Christ sakes.

TM:  You said, "I deserve to be blown first.  Before the fucking jacuzzi." I couldn't agree more.  Why didn't she blow you before the jacuzzi? What gives?

MG:  After all I did for that fucking whore.  I was MARTIN FUCKING RIGGS.  What has she ever done? 

TM:  Well said.  How many Jewish babies have you eaten? How did they taste?

MG:  Where did you hear that? Who told you that?

TM:  Don't you think Jesus was just a little bit gay? Why was Jesus so gay?

MG:  Keep on talking buddy.  You'll be burning in hell for all...

TM:  Are there any Jews beyond Thunderdome? 

MG:  I love the Jews.

TM:  Is Danny Glover still "Too old for this shit"?

MG:  Danny won't return my calls.

TM:  How old is "Too old for this shit"? 40, 50, 60?

MG:  How the fuck should I know?  

TM:  In "The Patriot" you played a colonial slave owner during the American Revolution.  This must've been a dream come true.

MG:  I had a great time making that...   

TM:  You are starring in the upcoming Jodie Foster directed film "The Beaver".  Does Jodie Foster also hate blacks, Jews, gays, and Latinos? Let me rephrase that.  Does Jodie Foster have a substance abuse problem? Sorry one more try. Is Jodie Foster alive?