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March 22, 2017
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All of the actors on The CW's Riverdale are over 18. Thank goodness.

Wow. I guess if there’s one thing I wasn’t expecting from CW’s new show Riverdale based on the Archie comics, it’s how attractive everyone is and how much time the show spends on pointing it out.

I mean, just look at this:

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Archie admits that he heard the gunshot that killed Jason. He’s fully clothed, so what? So what is that he lied about why he was at the river; he was really getting it on with his foxy music teacher, Ms Grundy.

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Then, wowee weewa, Veronica and Chuck, sitting in a…car?! Doesn’t matter where they are, these full grown adults are getting hot and heavy outside of Pop’s Chock-lit Shoppe.

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After Chuck shares a picture of them together with a maple syrup splooge on it, as a weird, network version of slut shaming, Veronica and Betty STORM into the boys’ locker room where we get some half dressed, cast to play football players, adult babes:

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WHOA! Bathing suits and wigs??? What good deed did I do to deserve this??

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After Archie’s dad talks to Ms Grundy about how great Archie is, Ms Grundy sees this as the go ahead to take back up with Archie. In the context of the show, this is statutory rape, but in real life, everyone involved are adults, so it’s just sexy teacher-student role play:

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What this doesn’t even ADDRESS is how Jughead is always giving a sultry-over-it look:

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And how hot it is when Bitches Get Stuff Done:

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