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December 28, 2016

A typical social media monster. Mother's Day.

According to Facebook, Mother’s day was a busy, fun filled day of gifts and dinners for many. But for some unfortunate mothers, it was a private day ignored by the general public.

Anna White, 38, was one of the important recognized mothers this past Sunday, as her Facebook collage was filled with pictures of flowers, home made cards, and a gorgeous dinner cooked by her loving husband. Says Anna, “My husband was actually away visiting his girlfriend, so I decided to buy myself some flowers, drink 2 bottles of wine, make myself some sentimental cards from my kids (who were playing minecraft in the basement all day), and BBQ myself a steak.”
She then proceeded to heavily filter a few pictures of her hard work, add in a few older pictures of her husband giving her a piggy back ride and one where they are actually smiling at each other, and post a collage on her page, to make sure her closest 496 friends could see how important and happy she isn’t.

Max Nealson, 46 reported that he “…actually tried this year to make my wife feel special. I bought her a gift certificate to her favourite boutique and had all of the children dress up and present her with their home-made mother’s day gifts.” Sadly, he continues with, “She was so busy taking selfies with us in the background that she never even opened her gifts. She spent the rest of the afternoon creating collages for her Social Media accounts, and didn’t even notice that we’d all gone to bed hours ago.”

Nealson reported that the marriage came to an end later that night when his stinking-drunk wife stumbled into the room demanding sex. “I complied of course, I mean, I’m not about to turn her down just because I dream about her car brakes being faulty at the exact right moment. But when I was blinded by the flash of her phone as I was banging her from behind…I knew she was only in it for the Facebook collage.”

The women who did not post 8+ pictures of their Mother’s Day celebrations are all assumed missing, dead, or unloved by themselves and their families.