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December 28, 2014
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101 Christmas Jokes

  1. Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctors?…He was feeling crummy.
  2. What is the difference between the alphabet and the Christmas alphabet?…The Christmas alphabet has no L (noel)
  3. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?… Frostbite
  4. What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?…A cookie sheet!
  5. Where do Santa Claus and the elves keep their money?… In a snow bank.
  6. If an athlete gets athlete’s foot, what does an astronaut get?…Missile Toe
  7. What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?…Claustrophobic.
  8. Elves use what kind of money?…Jingle bills!
  9. What would you call an elf who just has won the lottery?…Welfy
  10. Where would a reindeer go to find her lost tail?…”Re-tail” store.
  11. Which reindeer has the cleanest antlers?…Comet!
  12. How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?…He looks at his calen-”deer”!
  13. Which elf was the best singer?…ELFis Presley.
  14. Why the turkey was asked to join the band by elves?… because he had the drum sticks!
  15. What is for lunch on Christmas Day for snowmen?…Icebergers!
  16. How do snowmen travel around?…By icicle!
  17. How does one snowman greet another snowman?….Ice to meet you.
  18. What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?… Brrrr- itos.
  19. What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?…Cold cash!
  20. Where does a snowman keep his money?…In a snow bank.
  21. What did the big angel say to the little angel on Christmas Eve?…Halo there!
  22. If Santa Claus is crossed with a detective then you would get what?…Santa Clues!
  23. What is the snowman’s breakfast?…Frosted flakes!
  24. Where the snowman does dances on?…A snow ball!
  25. What snowmen wear on the Christmas Eve?…Ice caps.
  26. When Santa doesn’t move then what he should be called?…Santa Pause.
  27. How do sheep in Mexico greet Merry Christmas?…Fleece Navidad!
  28. What kind of music does elves like best?…”Wrap” music!
  29. How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?… A merry Christmas to ewe.
  30. What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve?… Black mail!
  31. How do elves greet each other?… “Small world, isn’t it?”
  32. What do elves learn in schools?… the “elf”-abet!
  33. What nationality is Santa?… North Polish!
  34. What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?… Crisp Cringle!
  35. What did the ghost say to Santa?… We’ll have a boo Christmas without you!
  36. What do you call a cat at the beach during Christmastime?… Sandy Claws!
  37. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?… Snowflakes!
  38. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?… So he can ho-ho-ho!
  39. Why was Santa’s little helper sad?… He had low elf esteem!
  40. What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?… Ribbon Hood
  41. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?… It’s Christmas, Eve!
  42. What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month?… The letter “D”!
  43. What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve?… Black mail!
  44. Who delivers cat’s Christmas presents?… Santa Paws!
  45. Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney?… Because it soots him!
  46. What do snowmen like to do on the weekend?…Chill out.
  47. What does Jack Frost like best about school?…Snow and tell.
  48. Knock, knock…Who’s there?…Olive…Olive, who?…Olive the other reindeer.
  49. A Christmas book never written: “What Did I Do Wrong THIS Year?” by Kole N. Stocking.
  50. What did one snowman say to the other snowman?…Do you smell carrots?
  51. Knock Knock…Who’s there?… Snow… Snow who?… Snow business like show business!
  52. Knock Knock…Who’s there?…Avery…Avery who?…Avery merry Christmas!
  53. Knock Knock…Who’s there?…Mary… Mary who?… Mary Christmas!
  54. Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?… Because the angel had said, “No L!”
  55. Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?… You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
  56. What do reindeer say before telling a joke?… This one will sleigh you!
  57. Why is a reindeer like a gossip?… Because they are both tail bearers!
  58. Why do reindeer wear fur coats ?… Because they would look silly in plastic macs!
  59. How do you make a slow reindeer fast?… Don’t feed it!
  60. Where do you find reindeer?… It depends on where you leave them!
  61. What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?… She gave him the cold shoulder!
  62. What’s an ig?…An eskimo’s home without a loo!
  63. What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?… A snowball!
  64. How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed?… You wake up wet!
  65. What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark?… Frost bite!
  66. How do you call an Eskimo cow?… An Eskimoo!
  67. What’s white and goes up?… A confused snowflake!
  68. What is the best Christmas present in the world?….A broken drum, you can’t beat it!
  69. What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck?… A Christmas Quacker!
  70. Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners?… Rude-olph!
  71. What do cows say at Christmas?… MOOey Christmas!
  72. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?… They are always dropping their needles.
  73. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?… Because of all the wrapping!
  74. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?… Santa Claus.
  75. What do they sing under the ocean during the winter?… Christmas Corals!
  76. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?… Nothing, it was on the house!
  77. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?… Santa’s burps!
  78. What Christmas carol is a favorite of parents?… Silent Night.
  79. What do you call a snowman in the summer?… A puddle!
  80. What does Santa clean his sleigh with?… Comet.
  81. What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?… An ice burger with chili sauce.
  82. Why is Santa so good at karate?… Because he has a black belt!
  83. Why did the candy cane cross the road?… Because it wanted to get a licking!
  84. What kind of bug hates Christmas?… A humbug.
  85. What two countries should the chef use when he’s making Christmas dinner?… Turkey and Greece.
  86. Who gives presents to baby sharks?… Santa Jaws.
  87. What’s white, red and blue at Christmas time?… A sad candy cane!
  88. What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?… Tinsilitis!
  89. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?… “Looks like rain, dear.”
  90. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?… “Aren’t you tired of hanging around?”
  91. What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?… Jungle bells, Jungle bells…
  92. What do you call Santa when he goes down a chimney with a fire at the bottom?… Krisp Cringle.
  93. Did you hear about the fire cracker’s Christmas party?… It was a BANG!
  94. What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?… Pineapple.
  95. What is the cleanest reindeer called?… Comet.
  96. How do you know when Santa’s in the room?… You can sense his presents.
  97. What comes before Christmas Eve?… Christmas Adam!
  98. Why did Jimmy’s grades drop after the holidays?… Because everything was marked down!
  99. Knock knockWho’s there? … SnowSnow who? …. Snow use. I forgot my name again!
  100. Knock knockWho’s there?… Irish... Irish who? … Irish you a Merry Christmas!
  101. Knock knock... Who’s there? … Mary and Abbey... Mary and Abbey who? … Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!
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