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February 25, 2016
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So much talking on that stage and not enough wheelbarrow races!

Tonight on CNN is the 39th GOP presidential debate and all the dweebs still in the race will be there. We’ve got Donald Trump, Ted Cruz,John Kasich, Marco Rubio, and miraculously and against all good judgement Ben Carson.

The final five are going to be hashing it out on stage this evening, covering (hopefully) more specifics in their platforms and agendas.

What I’m wondering now, though, is the past 500 debates have all been discussion based, so how will this be different? I’ll be incredibly disappointed if it’s just those dudes on stage gabbing and swinging their intellectual dicks around. The American people ought to see how else these candidates are qualified.

Here’s what else we ought to see these dudes do:

  • Karaoke Competition or a lip sync battle
  • Dance-off
  • Who can say the alphabet backwards the fastest
  • Pull ‘em out. Now that the one lady in the race has had to drop out, we can do this
  • Baked Alaska bake-off
  • Cat’s Cradle
  • Foot race
  • That thing they do in malls where you have to keep your hand on the car for as long as possible and then you win the car. Maybe that but with the constitution?
  • Game of hide and seek
  • Who is the pun-master?!
  • Wheelbarrow races
  • Group challenge!
  • The license plate-alphabet challenge
  • Whoever talks first loses
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