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365 Funny Votes
310 Die Votes
16,105 Views
Published June 07, 2011

Don't agree to meet up on an abandoned golf course... that's code for murder.

Do open up the dialogue with a clever little ice-breaker. Quiz him on his sexual history, the outcome of his most recent STD test or his non-recreational prescription drug use. Neurotic IS the new charming.

Don’t discuss the Mondavi wine cartel’s influence on global vinification or any other documentary in your Netflix queue… it’ll give off the impression that you’re bad in bed.

Do wear something that shows off your cleavage, then it won’t matter what comes out of your mouth.  

Don’t talk about your ex-boyfriend, just give him a call and let your date say hi, too. Men love to feel threatened. 

Do tell your date that you broke up with your ex because you were emotionally unavailable, it’ll put him at ease.

Don’t compliment your date on obscure facts that you only know because you Google-stalked the shit out of him (like his high school track record, the research paper he wrote in college or his best friend's witty blog).

Do order meat, especially if he’s a vegetarian.

Don’t get wasted and kiss a girl in front of him... unless she has nice bangs.

Do let him know that you think he's cuter than the girl you both just made out with.

Don't ever offer to pay for anything… dates ARE the new food stamps.

Do perfect the art of reaching for your purse, mimes are hot.

Don't ask him how he thinks the recession is affecting his job security... until after he picks up the check.

Do tell him that you LOVE him, especially if you just want to be friends.

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