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December 01, 2014

Sixteen Candles, Porky's......Star Wars?

6 Reasons Star Wars is an 80’s Teen romantic Comedy

The movie Star Wars (now known as Star Wars Episode IV) changed everything for a generation. We can see it’s influence in today’s beloved CG I characters like Jar Jar Binks, and Lindsay Lohan. Story beats have been ripped off in movies such as The Last Starfighter,Sixteen Candles, and of course Porky’s. That’s crazy, you say. Read on for the alarming similarities.

6.Wacky Misunderstandings

80’s Teen romantic comedies movies are always full of misunderstandings. Oh, I thought you were rich/a girl/foreign/not related to me.“Accidental” incest? The ultimate wacky misunderstanding. Are you really going to argue that there could be a more romantic/comedic movie than Flowers in the attic? Yeah, I thought so. Thanks to Star Wars for starting this trend.

5. Sexual Tension

These films are also full of questions. Will they? Won’t they? Sure,they bicker a lot, but we all know where that leads. Why fight it? If he’s honest about himself in his heart Han Solo, knows that on cold days, only his love for Chewbacca keeps him warm. Plus, he’s a blanket.

4.Authority Figure that knows how to teach our hero how to get some

Skywalker not getting any? Well, that never changes at the end of the movie, or the trilogy due to the whole hot sister problem. But that’s not the fault of Obi “love wizard for more than one” Kenobi. You think that light saber training only had one use? Has there every been a girl who hasn’t said, “I need to get me some of that. He’s playing space chess”.

Still think he’s a just a senior citizen in a backwards snuggie. Notice, how he jumped to action when some girl said she was his only hope. Plus, a man who knows how to find a cantina full of filth and villainy must be the Jedi master at getting a little something something. Sounds to me like he’s the slightly older gentleman all women (and maybe even some droids) are looking for.

3. Sassy Minority

Let’s see. Someone who speaks another language? Spanish/Jive/Wookie? We never get a translation of Chewy’s screams, so who’s to say he’s not mocking Solo’s fashion sense or saying “you go girl” when the death star blows up? Can we say with certainty that he has never said talk to the hand. Does he not amplify the main character’s whiteness, while getting not a story line of his own? Classic romantic comedy sassy minority behavior. And don’t say that he doesn’t count because he’s from outer space. Like a character with the name Long Duk Dong could be from Earth?

2. Disapproving parental figures that come around in the end

Sure, his aunt and uncle knew that Luke’s dad tried to destroy the universe because of some dating issues, but what are the chances that happens again? And I’m sure in the deleted scenes there’s a part when as they burn to death they say, “If we had just let Luke join the local community college this would never have happened. We could never be more wrong. Or old. Which is the same thing.”

1. Gratuitous Nudity

Really Chewy? You are just going to walk around naked the whole movie? Oh, you have a belt. Miley Cyrus wears more than that. You may not have had to watch it on scrambled HBO, but this is definitely nudity that is totally gratuitous. It passes the universal test.Would Donald Duck be embarrassed to wear it? Yes, he would.