, HERE!" That famous, (or is that
infamous?) introduction at the beginning of every television
commercial Billy Mays does, really sticks in our memory; like an
abused dog gone mad with its jaws "locked" onto your
We've all seen at least one of the myriad of television
commercials for products Mays is the spokesperson. It started
with one, then another, then another, and it became an epidemic of
"Seen on TV-esque" products.
In fairness, I have never tried any of the products, of which I
will not plug in my blog. They run along the lines of
stain-removers, drill-contraptions, grills, insurance, etc.
Therefore, I cannot say that these products are of poor quality or
of good quality.
However, I will say that I find it extremely insulting that these
advertisers find the need to hire a spokesperson, and pay him (big
bucks, I'm sure) to scream like a crazed gorilla during mating
season, in order to sell their products. His over-exaggerated
hand gestures, and body movements give him an almost Walt Disney
-gone-awry, fast-forward motion presence
that's almost, ALMOST (sorry to yell/type) worth keeping his
commercials on, with the Mute button engaged, of course.
American viewers, and heaven help any other nations whose airwaves
are tainted with bad sit-com-like characters such as Mays, do not
require someone to yell at the top of their lungs in order to pitch
a product to them so they "get" the idea of what the
product does. This brand of "hard-sell" may have
been the gimmick they used when TV was novel, and yes, we could all
lessen our time in front of the television (or Internet), but is it
too much to ask of the time we do spend, that it be a little more
kind to our assumed intelligence?
Well, we do have the choice to change the channel, lest Mays
appears on every channel! Wasn't there some movie about a
haunting of a house in which all the channels on the television
only showed The Twilight Zone? Hmm. Oh, yes, it was called Saturday the
? That mildly amusing claymation filler show
they used to air back in the late 90s to early 00s? I would
be fibbing, if I were to say I would not watch if they brought back
this show, and had a Deathmatch between Billy Mays and that
Geek-ish man wearing the suit crowded with question marks---he
knows how we can get free money from the government! I'd
seriously question that character.
How can one man cause such an irate stir amongst so many of
us? Why do we feel such relief once we've either muted
his boisterous promotions, or powered-off the boob-tube? I
believe it's produced in this arrogant, obnoxious manner in
part out of humor; yes, I really (now) realize Billy Mays
commercials are 'poking fun' at the old used car salesman
commercials that used to monopolize our television
back-in-the-day. This is just a
"re-broadcast of an old show." The other
'part' might be that advertisers used to believe that the
more annoying commercials were more memorable, even though they
invoked a negative emotion, we never forgot the ad, and usually
could remember the product being pitched to us.
This may have some plausibility to it. While a commercial
with an 'adorable puppy carrying a slipper to an even cuter
baby' might be heartwarming, and sweet, we most-likely may not
remember what this spot was trying to sell---what was the
product? Was it health insurance for dogs? Was it for
some new, comfy slipper that was nice enough, both your puppy, and
your baby could play with it? Who knows? From
experience, I realize that, unfortunately for Billy Mays, the
Suit/Free Money from the Gov't Guy, (Matthew Lesko)
highly excitable guy selling the Sham-Wow!
all stick in my mind irritatingly so, and YES, I remember the
products they are selling! What an interesting Gay Male Porn would that not make.
My emotion gave into the 'warm, fuzzy' puppy without
letting my logic in the door to see what was being sold, sort of
like how some don't answer the door early on a particular
morning when solicitors are out-and-about. However, the fact
that some actor in a scary mask is dancing around, may provoke me
to change the channel, but not before my brain registers this
creepy, annoyance as "Glad I don't eat fast food
Who knows why the human brain, for some of us, anyway, remembers
the negative stuff to a "T", but the good stuff seems to
have been pushed aside like the Long Form Taxes that should have
been filed last
year? You know, that fifth-grade
teacher that never hesitated to point out (in bold, red pen), that
you forgot to dot your "i" or cross your "t",
but failed to notice how well-structured or clever your poem
was? Certain things stand out for certain people.
Granted, I have no need for any of the above products, thank you
very much. Well, okay, perhaps the free cash from the
government would be helpful. Hurry up with that stimulus!
While I admittedly keep the remote control within reasonable
proximity, mostly because of commercials such as anything
Billy Mays or "Smiling Bob" for that 'All natural
male enhancement' --- please don't get me started on THAT
inappropriate insult, I do think there is a very sly reason behind
all this fodder. Cause enough "chatter" or get
enough people blogging (eh, hem), whining, or hitting the mute
button----get in return, instant celebrity. Can't you
just hear Mays doing this ad? "HI THERE! BILLY MAYS FOR
INSTANT CELEBRITY, JUST ADD WATER (AND VOLUME)!"
He's really quite hilarious in small doses, and seems to be
able to laugh at himself. See him making fun at himself here:
I am not defending this guy, because his yelling of selling of
these products still seems to send me into PMS about two weeks
Just trying to get to the bottom of another one of my neuroses.
Well, that's about it. Time for me to see what all the
fuss is about the rude husband on that reality show where they
switch wives. I hear/read he was a real son-of-a-b!@#$.