Hollywood Screenwriters Quit en Masse
Claim Trump’sCampaign has made their Job too Difficult
May 25, 2016
In the wake of the Republican party’s nearly completeacquiescence to Donald Trump’s candiacy, the Hollywood Screenwriters Guild hasannounced that its members have resigned en masse to protest unfaircompetition.
The writers claim that, despite his unabashed efforts tooffend every American voting bloc with a stream of witless invectives, Trump’s successin locking up the Republican presidential nomination has made it impossible forthem to create films enabling movie-goers to escape reality, even for 90minutes.
Guild spokesperson Frank Lee said in a prepared statementthat: “It has become clear our members are no longer able to conjure up insanelyfarfetched plot-lines that can match Donald Trump’s bewildering rise fromreality TV blowhard to potential-leader-of-the-free-world blowhard. Even his campaignspeeches make the most expletive-laden blockbusters seem modest in comparison.”
In a blistering comeback, Donald Trump Tweeted that thescreenwriters are: “a bunch of wimpy schlongs who can’t write their way out ofan effing tissue box … TOTAL LOSERS!”
In response to this unprecedented action by thescreenwriters, studios bosses have decided to shut down all current scriptdevelopment to focus instead on producing stand-up comedy specials (which, inthe current political environment, virtually write themselves) anddocumentaries of border-wall construction techniques.
MGM Chief of Movie Promotions, Stu Flakker, acknowledgedthis new strategy in a hastily arranged press conference, stating, “To behonest, artistic gems like Hot Tub TimeMachine 2, Rock the Kasbah, and Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypsenow seem banal and unimaginative compared to the story arc of the Republicanpresidential race. Our only recourse is to get onboard this comically coiffedtrain.”
Overnight voter popularity polls show Trumpcrushing Hillary Clinton for the lead in a new mockumentary under development, tentativelytitled “The Apprentice President.”