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Published January 07, 2009 More Info »
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Published January 07, 2009

 So I'm at work earlier, doing what red-blooded African-American Haberdashers do, when I get a little down time. At this point I pull out the latest issue of Sports Illustrated and get my athletic read on. " Michael Phelps is the greatest swimmer of all times", who gives a shit. 3 months from now he'll be just another Autistic Caveman looking motherfucker that's quick in the pool. " USC QB Mark Sanchez is mulling over entering the draft", yeah well Marky you might wanna stay for that senior season because USC only produces 2 things that work in the NFL: Running Backs and defensive guys that look like they're from the same island as the center for Scott Bakula in 'Necessary Roughness'. Fuck your mulling Mark Sanchez! Maybe you can go to Arizona and sit behind Heisman Trophy winner Matt Leinart as HE sits behind Kurt Warner.

 Then I come to the story of Sir Charles Barkley being arrested for suspicion of DUI and I read it because I think Chuck's the greatest Power Forward to ever play the game. Anybody that's 6'4'' and can dominate a position where the guys average 6'10" has got my vote. So the reporter says that Chucky was at a nightclub partying with, I bullshit you not, "former Giants defensive end and Jaleel White(who played the character Urkel on tv's 'Family Matters)" ! Fucking Urkel Chuck! You go to Phoenix to get it up and you end up hanging with future hall of famer Michael Strahan.............and current Carnival Cruise improv instructor Jaleel "Did I do that" White?!?! How can you expect to NOT get arrested! How hard up is Phoenix for a social scene when a story about a former NBA great, that links him to a former NFL great, also links him to a former TGIF great? What the fuck is going on, or not going on, in Phoenix! Then you expect us to believe that you were stopped while speeding to a blowjob! Come on Chuck. The cop probably arrested you for giving false info to an officer after you told him that. No man has gotten a blowjpb after kicking it VIP style with Jaleel White since Step By Step's Cody was the coolest guy on tv! With Eddie "Funky Hunk" Winslow a close second of course.

Dude, what the fuck does Charles Barkley have to talk about with Jaleel White anyway?

Chuck: I once stole the ball from Michael Jordan and drove the length of the floor to hit the game winning lay-up.

The Urk Man: Yeah? I once hit an 11 point shot over Michael Bivins off a K.D. Lang screen during MTV's inaugural Rock n Jock B-Ball Classic.

WTF! I hate to say this Sir Charles because you're my favorite player of all times. I even named a dog of mine after you as a kid. but if you're gonna hang with Jaleel White aka Steve Urkel aka Stephon Ur-Kel aka Myrtle Urkel then you deserve for all the bad things in life to happen to you and no one else during the following 24 hours.

Did IIIIII dooooo thaaaaat?

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