Celebrities See All

Close

Quick Links

or
0 Funny Votes
0 Die Votes
313 Views
Published January 13, 2009

Life in the Fast Lane can be a Steep Drop (or How Not to Age Gracefully)

Jim McPartland

www.funnyordie.com/jbmcpart

 

Channel surfing recently, I stopped for a brief moment on The Bonnie Hunt Show. I found Bonnie kinda sexy in Jerry Mcguire, more so than Rene Zellweger. Bonnie’s put on a couple pounds, but she’s still perky in a Rachael Ray way. Add some EVOO and let the party start.

Bonnie’s having a conversation with someone I don’t recognize. Or do I? Is it some member of her audience? Who is that?

You guess---

 

 



OK, the ‘Celebrity Puke’ tips you it’s not a nobody. Actually this picture looks better than what I saw - add another 40 pounds and not enough drug rehab. I thought maybe Sally Jesse Raphael.

 

Nope.

 

 

To my dismay-

 

It’s---

Carrie Fisher.

 

As a teen, I was in love with Carrie Fisher. I had just gotten over Linda Blair (ditched when I found out they dubbed the Exorcist voice). I watched Star Wars having endless fantasies about me and Princess Lela. Those Ram locks of hers sent me into a frenzy. She then played the girlfriend of John Belushi in Blues Brothers and quasi John Hinckley crush intesified.

What the fuck has happened?

Jesus Christ, Carrie- you can’t hide behind your books and do talk shows. We now know you’ve been telling the truth about your demise via drugs, booze and predispositioned psycological mental deficencies- but this is pathetic. This isn’t Postcards from the Edge- it’s Long Letters Over the Cliff.

 

As a comaprision- here’s someone that has aged well- Jamie Lee Curtis




Before- Fox   


Now- MILF Fox



Jamie could use all the same excuses- famous parents, early fame. She’s chosen instead to do something different- take care of herself. She can still handle being chased in a Halloween flick. I don’t think Carrie could handle much more than chasing a shot with a beer. It can’t get worse.

 

Advertisement
Advertisement

From Around the Web

More