As you probably saw, the latest internet craze is an anti-fart-odor underwear that lets you fart in front of your co-workers without them knowing about it. They’re called Shreddies and they promise to filter your farts so that people in your immediate vicinity (like your co-workers) won’t smell your stinky toots.
Well, as a frequent farter myself, I decided to buy a pair and test them out. I was so eager to see if they worked, I did my best to squeeze out some flatulence as soon as I got to work with them on, even though I didn’t really have any gas at that moment. And, well, I shit myself.
That’s right. I pooped right in my pants. And guess what happened next? My co-workers all knew, that’s what happened. I was suddenly not just some guy who farted a lot at work - now I was the guy who’d shit himself at work. The Shreddies underwear did not filter out the smell of my shit stank (nor, as I’d find out later, did they do anything to stop the impending rash that always comes after you shit yourself and can’t clean yourself up right away). Everybody totally knew that I crapped my drawers.
And the worst part? These Shreddies underwear promise discretion, but my co-workers could totally tell that I’d shit myself. Like, immediately. They wrinkled up their stupid faces and waved their hands in front of their noses like they were trying to fan off my the odor from the warm fecal load that was sealed inside my new Shreddies underwear. One of them even pinched their nose and mouthed the letters “P” and “U.”
The layers of alternating modal jersey fabric and the activated carbon cloth did nothing to stop the brown shit water from seeping out of the Shreddies and staining my cloth seersucker summer pants as I stood and yelled at my dumb dumb co-workers to mind their own business.
I’ll admit, they didn’t claim to be able to stop the smell of you shitting yourself, but an underwear that can actually 100% protect from fart odor should be able to at least 10% protect you from shitting yourself. Like, a football helmet shouldn’t totally protect you from a motorcycle accident as much as a motorcyle helmet, but you’d at least expect it to be better than nothing. Well, these underwear didn’t protect me from shitting myself at all. I would say they provided 0% shitting yourself self protection.
And on top of that, after the stank of my own shit caused me to throw up on my co-workers, my Shreddies definitely didn’t do anything to protect me from that. And then when for some reason I ejaculated while I was covered in basically an expensive underwear diaper of my shit and vomit, it wasn’t discreet at all and my co-workers could totally tell.
So that’s why I’m giving these underwear a 1 star review.