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December 08, 2009


So....yesterday was one of those days when the universe decides to pick on me. Normally I don't have enough of an ego to seriously proclaim that the universe, in all of it's vastness, would single me out for misery or reward. BUT! The day started with my favorite bus driver (who was on his best behaviour this morning ???), and then I was just settling in to masturbate before having a shower (or would you prefer me just to state that I was "having a nap" even though "having a nap " technically means masturbating?) when someone knocked at my door. It was a Christmas package from my mother who, by all the GOOD tidings of the universe lives in Vancouver, and it was like the third slap of the day.  First: bus driver incident,  second: masturbation interruption and third: bi polar alcoholic mother sends package addressed to "Paige, Kay and Nigel". 
I was one of those women who knew immediately upon being pregnant that it was a "girl".  I was extremely excited and wanted to call her "Kelly" as I think it's just the prettiest name.  It's a pretty name that lacks pretention and it compliments her more serious middle name of "Frances" which is a tribute to the time I spent in France (which I love), and also to Princess Diana (who I also loved), as it was her middle name.  My mother has given me flack about the name "Kelly" from day one.  Why don't I give her a STRONG name like "Katherine"? Or a FABULOUS name like "Mercedes"?  And I told her then and I think I've mentioned it at least a thousand times since then that she got to name her children and that I would be naming mine.  My daughter's name is Kelly.  So, my mother and her drunken lack of boundaries and just a genuine disinterest and disrespect for other people has decided that she is simply going to call my daughter "Kay", as in short for "Katherine", because she thinks that it's only a matter of time before I AGREE (?!?!?!?!), with her that "Kay" is a much more "appropriate adult name".
So....I get to have two things hanging over my head yesterday because 1) if I'd called the bus compnay and complained about the driver, he would have been reprimended and possibly fired two weeks before Christmas, making ME look like a Bitch when I didn't even do anything but report how incredibly rude he was to me.  And then 2) if I sent the package back unopened and expressly asked that she address the package with my daughters proper name, AGAIN, I would seem like some kind of hard ass, no sense of humor kind of person when really all I'm doing is requesting a minimum of respect.  So...what do I do?  Do I call her and get into the ten thousandth argument about my kid's name?  Do I ignore it?   Why should I subject my daughter to that, you know?  This pretty present all deliberately looking nice but for my mother declaring "I'm STILL PAIGE's MOTHER! HAHAHA!" and squeezing her fingers together to indicate her right to just make me feel small and make it apparant that my basic rights are inconsequential to her whim.  I'm half tempted to tell her that if she continues to call my daughter Kay and address things as such I will instruct my daughter and I will myself begin to address her as "Grandma Drunk".  I will get Kelly to ask her, on the phone, why she doesn't know her name? And then ask her whether or not she is drunk.  That would be funny.  Who says I have no sense of humor?
As for me, I will do what I always do when my mother sends me money/gift cards and take out my Dad with it, because she has NO IDEA that we do that AND take pictures (that's how we spent the $100 Keg gift card last year).  Ha ha.  By all means...call my daughter "Kay", Bitch.