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Published September 07, 2008 More Info »
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Published September 07, 2008

I WAS 27 YEARS OLD WHEN THE COMPANY I WAS WITH MOVED MY FAMILY AND I TO HELL-A FOR ME TO TAKE OVER A DISTRICT OFFICE THERE. WE COULDNT FIND A HOUSE FOR THE FIRST COUPLE OF MONTHS AND MOVED INTO AN APARTMENT JUST A FEW OF BLOCKS FROM MY OFFICE. THIS APARTMENT WAS ON A MAJOR STREET, RIVERSIDE DRIVE AND COLDWATER CYN, FOR YOU L.A. TYPES, AND WAS  SITUATED BETWEEN TWO FREEWAY EXCHANGES. IM GIVING YOU THIS INFO BECAUSE IM GOING TO TELL YOU ABOUT AN ATTEMPTED ROBBERY IN MY BUILDING. THERE WERE QUITE A FEW BREAK INS IN THIS AREA BECAUSE IT WAS A WELL TO DO NEIGHBORHOOD, SHERMAN OAKS, AND IT WAS QUIET LATE AT NIGHT WITH LITTLE TRAFFIC. PLUS YOU COULD GET  IN AND OUT OF IT EASY AND FAST.

IT WAS A SUNDAY MORNING IN FEBURARY, THE ONLY MONTH IT RAINS IN L.A.. A STRANGE SOUND WOKE ME UP, SOMETHING RYTHMIC, CHUNG, CHUNG, CHUNG.I GOT UP AND LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW BUT DIDNT SEE ANYTHING, SO I LAID BACK DOWN. ABOUT THE TIME I GOT COMFORTABLE I HEARD IT AGAIN, CHUNG, CHUNG, CHUNG, CHUNG, SO UP I JUMPED AND THIS TIME MY WIFE WOKE UP AND ASKED WHY I WAS MAKING ALL THAT NOISE. IT'S NOT ME. I SAID A LITTLE TESTILY, AND ABOUT THAT TIME, CHUNG, CHUNG, CHUNG. WHAT IS IT WIFE INQUIRED. I DUNNO , DONT SEE ANY THING, KINDA SOUNDS LIKE ITS COMING FROM INSIDE SOMEWHERE.  JUST THEN OUR NEIGHBOR WALKED OUT OF OUR COURTYARD AND DOWN THE SIDE PATH TO HER CAR, AND I SAW A HEAD POP OUT OF THE LAUNDRY ROOM. THIS PERSON WATCHED HER GO AROUND BACK TO HER CAR AND THEN WENT BACK INSIDE. A SECOND OR SO LATER WE HEARD CHUNG, CHUNG, CHUNG AGAIN. TOLD WIFE, THERES SOMEONE MAKING THAT NOISE IN OUR LAUNDRY ROOM. I GRABBED THE PHONE AND CALLED OUR LANDLORD CARL. CARL, THIS DAVE, SOMEONES IN OUR LAUNDRY ROOM. HE SAYS MEET ME THERE AND IM GOING TO CALL THE POLICE.

I GOT THERE FIRST AND WHILE WERE WAITING ON CARL LET ME TAKE A MOMENT TO GIVE YOU THE LAY OF THE LAND. PAY ATTENTION BECAUSE THIS IS IMPORTANT. WE LIVED IN A VERY SMALL  BUILDING, SITUATED ON A CORNER. THE LOT WAS ONLY 150 FT WIDE, AND 200 FT DEEP. THE FRONT FACED RIVERSIDE, AND YOU WOULD TURN OFF OF RIVERSIDE ONTO ATOLL, AND THEN RIGHT INTO THE PARKING AREA WITH COVERED PARKING AT THE REAR.LOOKING AT THE BUILDING FROM RIVERSIDE, ATOLL WAS ON YOUR LEFT, AND ON THE RIGHT OF THE BUILDING WAS A WALK WAY WHERE THE LAUNDRY ROOM WAS LOCATED. THIS PATHWAY RAN THE FULL LENGTH OF THE BUILDING AND YOU COULD GO FROM THE PARKING AREA TO RIVERSIDE. WHEN I GOT DOWN THE DOOR (HEAVY STEEL) WAS CLOSED, AND FROM THE INSIDE CAME THE CHUNG, CHUNG, CHUNG SOUND.

CARL SHOWS UP AND HE HAS HIS COLT 45, HE HAD STOLEN FROM THE MARINES WITH HIM. JUST A BIT ABOUT CARL. HE HAD BEEN FORCED TO RETIRE FROM THE MARINES BECAUSE HE CAME BACK FROM NAM A LITTLE WACKED. THE CORP COULDNT FIX HIM SO THEY RETIRED HIM. CARL WAS STILL  WACKED.  W.T.F. CARL WE GOT THIS GUY IN A SMALL ROOM WITH NO WINDOWS, WERE NOT SHOOTING ANYBODY. WE,LL JUST LET EM KNOW WERE OUT HERE WITH A GUN AND WAIT FOR THE POLICE. IT SEEMED TO ME THAT THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE BY THEN, AND WHEN I HEAR WIFE YELL HAS CARL GOT A GUN. I YELLED BACK YES AND CALL THE COPS AGAIN, WHICH SHE DID. OK CARL LETS JUST LET THEM KNOW WERE OUT OF HERE, THEY CANT GET OUT, AND TELL EM YOU HAVE THE GUN. THEN WE CAN  JUST LET THE COPS HANDLE IT. CARL LOOKED AT ME AND SAID NOBODY COMES INTO MY HOUSE AND LIVES TO TELL ABOUT IT AND HE GRABBED THE DOOR HANDLE AND IN HE WENT.

THE SCENE WAS ALMOST SURREAL, SMALL CONCRET BLOCK ROOM, ABOUT 10/10, ONE OVERHEAD 40 WATT LIGHT BULB. WE SEE THESE TWO GUYS ONE ON EACH SIDE OF A DRYER BOUNCING IT UPSIDE DOWN ON THE FLOOR. WITH EACH CHUNG ONE OR TWO QUARTERS FLEW OUT. BACK THEN WE DIDNT EVEN HAVE DESK TOP COMPUTERS, OR DIGITAL CAMERAS BECAUSE THESE TWO GUYS WOULD BE WORLD CHAMPS OF WORLDS DUMBEST CROOKS. IWOULD HAVE LOVED TO FILM IT AND POST IT.

THEY TOOK A CROW BAR AND PRYED OUT THE COIN SLOT SLIDIE THING. THEY COULD HAVE IN THE SAME TIME IT TOOK THEM TO TAKE ONE SLIDE OUT USED THE CROW BAR TO PRY OFF THE PAPER THIN LOCK COVERS WHERE THE MONEY WAS KEPT. COULD HAVE RIPPED THOSE OFF, GOT THE QUARTERS AND BEEN OUT THE DOOR IN LESS THAN 15 MINUTES. BUT NOOOOO THEY HAD TORE UP FOUR OUT OF THE SIX MACHINE, QUARTERS COVERED THE FLOOR AND WE WERE ALL JUST STANDING THERE LOOKING AT ONE ANOTHER. THEM WITH THE DRYER, CARL WITH HIS GUN, AND ME LAUGHING.

JOHN, THE OLDER AND SMARTER OF THE TWO BROTHERS PUSHED THE DRYER AT CARL AND YELLED RUN AND HE PUSHED PAST CARL AND OUT THE DOOR. CARL WENT AFTER HIM AND THAT LEFT ME AND ROBERT WHO BENT DOWN AND PICKED UP HIS CROW BAR. I LOOKED AT HIM AND SAID "YOU CANT BE THAT STUPID, GIVE ME THE CROWBAR" WHICH TO MY BIG SURPRISE HE DID. ROBERT LOOKED AT ME AND SAID WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO. I SAID NOTHING DUDE, THE POLICE WILL BE HERE IN A MINUTE AND WELL LET THE HANDLE IT. HE ASKED , YOUR NOT GOING TO HURT ME, AND I SAID NO, NOT UNLESS YOU TRY TO RUN AND THEN ILL PUT YOU OUT.

MY WIFE YELLED DOWN WHATS GOING ON, AND I TOLD HER THAT ONE GOT AWAY, BUT I HAVE THE OTHER AND CALL THE COPS AGAIN AND THIS TIME TELL THEM THERES A GUN INVOLVED, WHICH SHE DID. I HEARD A CAR SCREECH INTO THE PARKING LOT BEHIND AND THE OTHER GUY YELLED, "ROBERT COME ON THAT GUYS NOT GOING TO DO ANY THING RUN." WELL ROBERT LOOKED AT ME AND AS HE WAS SIZEING ME UP I SAID I WILL HURT YOU.

CARL RAN PAST THE DOOR GOING TOWARD THE BACK AND WE COULD HERE THE CAR SQUEEL BACKWARDS AND GO AROUND TO THE FRONT AND UP INTO THE FRONT YARD AND JOHN YELLED FOR ROBERT TO RUN AGAIN. THIS TIME ROERT YELLS BACK , JOHN THIS BIG GUY SAID HE WOULD HURT ME. CARL RUNS BY HEADING FOR THE FRONT. VAROOM , JOHN TAKES OFF AND WE HEARD HIM PULL INTO THE LOT  AGAIN, THIS TIME JOHN YELLS "TELL HIM WE HAVE A BIG GUN." CARL CAME BY AGAIN AND THIS TIME HE STOPS AND HE SAYS TO ROBERT IM GONNA KILL YOUR ASS AND STICKS HIS GUN IN ROBERTS FACE. I GRAB CARL AND TELL HIM TO GO GET JOHN, SO OUT HE RUNS TOWARD THE BACK. WELL, ROBERTS DEMEANOR CHANGED THEN, HE LOOKED AT ME AND SAYS, THAT CRAZY GUYS GONNA SHOOT ME. I WONT LET HIM MAN BUT SETTLE DOWN. GUESS ROBERT DECIDED IT WAS BETTER TO TAKE ON AN UNARMED MAN THAN ONE WITH A GUN AND HE RUSHED ME. I SIDE STEPPED AND PUT HIM IN A SLEEPER HOLD, AND HE STARTED TO GURGGLE. I HEARD JOHN COMING AROUND TO THE FRONT AGAIN AND AS CARL CAME BYE HE SEES ME AND ROBERT. HE STOPS AT THE DOOR , GETS THIS STRANGE LOOK ON HIS FACE AND STICKS THE GUN RIGHT IN BOTH OUR FACES AND YELLS IM GOING TO KILL YOU NOW. HELL HE SCARED ME. IF HE SHOOTS WERE BOTH DEAD AND ROBERT SCREAMS AND THROWS HIS HANDS UP. SINCE I HAD MY ARMS AROUND HIS NECK AND HEAD HIS ARMS DIDNT GO UP BUT BACK, AND HE STUCK HIS FINGERS IN MY EYES. I TOOK A STEP BACK AND WENT HEAD OVER HEALS ACROSS ONE OF THE MACHINES.

I LOOKED UP TO SEE ROBERT RUNNING OUT THE DOOR AND CARL RIGHT BEHIND HIM AND THEN  *POW* *POW* *POW*... THEN AFTER A FEW SECONDS *POW* *POW*. DAMN I THOUGHT, CRAZY CARL SHOT  THESE TWO KIDS. OVER SOME QUARTERS.

CARL WALKED BACK INTO THE LAUNDRY ROOM AND TEARS WERE STREAMING DOWN HIS FACE. I WAS JUST GETTING UP AND I GRABBED CARLS GUN AWAY, GRABBED HIM BY HIS SHIRT AND STARTED SHAKING HIM... YOU IDIOT YOU SHOT THE GUY OVER SOME QUARTERS. CARL LOOKED AT ME AND SAID.. "NO, IT WAS LOADED WITH GAS PELLETS. THE FIRST THREE SHOTS JUST BLEW BACK IN MY FACE. BUT I FILLED THIER CAR FULL OF GAS WITH THE LAST TWO." GAS PELLETS, "YEA GAS PELLETS, WHY DO YOU THINK IM CRYING." SHIT CARL I THOUGHT YOU SHOT THAT KID...

IT WAS THEN THE COP PULLED UP TO THE FRONT, I CALLED UP TO MY WIFE, HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE THE FIRST CALL TO THE POLICE. 20 MINUTES SHE SAID. I GRABBED CARL AND HELPED HIM OUT FRONT BECAUSE BY NOW HIS EYES WERE SWOLLEN SHUT AND HIS NOSE WAS RUNNING AND HE WAS PUKEING UP A STORM. OH, AND FOR THE FIRST TIME I NOTICED HE WAS ONLY DRESSED IN HIS UNDERWEAR.

THE COP RAN UP AND GRABBED CARL AND ASKED IF HE WAS THE PURPERTRATOR. I SAID NO HES THE MANAGER. THEN I LIT INTO THE COP. WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN , ITS BEEN TWENTY MINUTES SINCE OUR FIRST CALL AND WE HAD EM HOLLED UP IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM. THE COP ASKED ME TO CALM DOWN AND HE TOOK ME OUT TO HIS CAR AND SHOWED ME A PRINTOUT WHERE HE HAD ONLY GOT THE CALL LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES AGO, AND HE SPECULATED THAT THEY DIDNT DISPATCH UNTIL TOLD THERE WAS A FIRE ARM INVOLVED.

HE THEN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG WITH CARL, AND I WENT ON TO EXPLAIN THE WHOLE TALE, WITH THE SONG "ALICES RESTARAUNT" BRUNNING AROUND IN MY HEAD. THEN WE GOT CARL INSIDE AND AN AMBULANCE WAS CALLED. THE OFFICER THEN WANTED TO SEE THE SCENE OF THE CRIME. I LITERALLY STARTED TO LAUGH AT THIS POINT AND TOLD THE OFFICER WAIT TILL YOU SEE THIS. WE WALKED INTO THE LAUNDRY ROOM AND THERE WAS THE MACHINES WITH THE COIN SLIDES PULLED OUT, QUARTERS ALL OVER THE FLOOR, AND ROBERT AND JOHNS TOOLS LEFT WHERE THEY DROPPED THEM.

THE OFFICER ASKED ME IF THE GUYS WERE IN AN OLD GREEN TOYOTA. I SAID YES.. HE SAID SO THAT EXPLAINES IT. HE TOLD ME HE WAS ON HIS WAY WHEN HE PASSED THE TOYOTA GOIN THE OTHER WAY WITH TWO GUYS IN IT, AND IF THERE WASNT A WEAPONS CALL HE WOULD HAVE GONE AFTER THEM. THEN HE LOOKED AT ME AND SAID IF I WAS EVER IN A SIMILAR SITUATION, TO JUST LAY THE GUY OUT. NO COP IN L.A. WOULD ALLOW ANY CHARGES TO BE PRESSED.

WE WENT BACK IN AND OVER COFFEE HE TOOK MY REPORT, CARL WAS ON HIS WAY TO THE HOSPITAL WHERE HE RECOVERED NICELY. I DONT KNOW IF THEY EVER CAUGHT JOHN AND ROBERT, BUT THEY DIDNT COME BACK AND ASK FOR THIER TOOLS. ME, I GOT ANOTHER GOOD STORY.

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