I have had a few bad days in my life, perhaps more than most. My friends dubbed me “Pauline” years ago… affectionately after the children’s book “The perils of Pauline” due to the fact that I always seem to find myself in strange predicaments. I have come to realize that I may have had a hex put on me before birth by a gypsy women who disliked my parents or perhaps it is Karma resulting in mis deeds from a past life. What ever the case may be, anytime something is going extremely well, I know that shortly an anvil will drop and something crazy and just plain unlucky will happen.
Before I tell you about the events of Wed. October 28th , let me give you a brief synopsis about some funny events that can only happen to me…. ( You cannot make this shit up folks)
1) The year is 1994. A young Christina just recently had began her journey into womanhood. Her first menstruation lasted approximately 21 days and landed smack in the middle of the families annual summer vacation in Long Boat Key Florida. Young Christina knew nothing of tampons yet, and in an effort to maintain her virtue her mother made sure she walked around with the biggest maxi pad known to man. For Christina, hanging out with the rest of the summer crew at the local hotels and pools was the one saving grace on these family trips. She decided that wrapping a towel around her bottom half was a great way the disguise the diaper bulge she was rocking ( and subsequently any leakage). Well, walking across the Hilton lobby, in its white marble glory, with about 30 people, a loud “PLOP” was heard. The sound echoed through the structure. The maxi pad had absorbed not only it’s intended target but all the moisture out of her rocking mono-kini. Everyone turned- her friends, the concierge, the Mexican bell hops… EVERYONE. Christina stood over the 12 pound maxi and was faced with a decision…. Pick it up.. or run. She picked the later.
2) Again the year was 1994… same summer. After returning from vacation, Zeida, Christina’s mother announced she had to do all the laundrey. Christina, 13 yrs old was fine with this… Fuck it right? She decided to hit up the pool in her backyard and go for a swim. A bit later she emerged, walked up to her bathroom and showered. UHHHH=OOOOH! Christina’s mom took all the towels, all her cloths into the basement to wash! There was nothing. No worries… everyone was in the back yard- Christina could easily streak downstairs and get something out of the dryer. 1-2-3 GO! She ran down the stairs but came to a screeching hault, when she saw her mother at the front door with the pharmacy delivery boy. You see… they lived center hall colonial home. The stairs lead directly to the front door. Again Christina had a choice to make- upstairs or run passed them to the basement. She went for the goal- the basement- utterly humiliated and traumatized for life.
3) The year is 2005. Christina was asked to accompany a pretty famous DJ whom she was dating to Miami for a gig. Christina is no slut- and even though they had been dateing made it absolutely clear this boy was getting noooo cookie. Well… after the gig- a tweaked out party went strong for several hours. .. after the last person left.. the DJ tried getting frisky- Christina used the “period excuse” WELL.. as fate would happen, while sleeping on the bright white coach of the Penthouse – she did get her period- 2 weeks early- and heavier than ever. Christina awoke to a scene straight out of CSI- she quickly noticed her DJ friend asleep- and decided to bolt- and bolt she did- straight up Collins road- 11 am with spectators pointing and taking pictures.
These are just a few examples…. Yesterday was one of those day’s. Long story short- while at a conference at the Roosevely hotel, I slipped on the Marble floor- and took out not my boss- but Larry Silverstein- who you will know as the man who owned and is rebuilding the World Trade Center-
This is my life….