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October 27, 2016

Let people know that you're fun, creative, and equally committed to two people sexually.

There’s only a few days till Halloween so let me guess: You’ve procrastinated on choosing a Halloween costume and you’re in an untraditional three person romantic relationship who decided to dress up in a themed trio costume?

Well, first off, congratulations on waiting to the last minute, bonehead! Just kidding, unlike how most of society treats throuples, I thought of you! Here’s a few ideas for adorable costumes you and your two commited lovers can wear together this Halloween.

1. Paper and Rock and Scissors


Can you say easy peasy lemon squeezy? This simple to put together costume is both clever and cute. Take it to the next level by playing a game of “rock paper scissors” to see who gets to be the rock! And if anyone asks you why you three decided to dress up in a themed costume tell them firmly and confidently that a three person relationship is just as legitimate as the two person couples of the status quo. You have nothing to be ashamed of!

2. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger


Whether you’re Hufflepuff, Slytherin, or anything in between, this wizarding trio will be a hit at any Halloween party. What’s the difference between a tight knit group of three friends who would do anything for each other and three consenting adults who agree, with open honest communication, that sex and jealousy will not complicate that friendship, love, and devotion?

3. The Three Little Pigs


Bonus: If there’s a dog at the Halloween party you can perform you’re own delightful little version of the famous fairy tale! This costume might lead other partygoers to allude to three person relationship lovemaking is some sort of filthy hog sex. Take the time to explain that three person sex is only considered “kinky” because of archaic Judeo-Christian norms. Throuples encounter the same thrills and emotional landmines that come with having one sexual partner.

4. Burrito and Hot Sauce and Guacamole


Warning: wearing this costume might cause drastic spikes in HUNGER levels that can only be alleviated by a midnight taco Bell run! Pledging to stay with just one person the rest of your life is needlessly limiting and beyond that it’s just plain boring.

5. Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen and Toni Kukoc


NEVER apologize to small minded people who criticize you for DARING to expand the idea of unconditional, committed love beyond one person to two. They are small minded and hateful. As Beyonce would say: “Boy bye to the left”

6. A Canadian Flag and An American Flag and A Mexican Flag


And let’s be honest, the sex IS pretty cool. You turn to your right, there’s one body you get to have sex with. You turn to your left, there’s another body you get to have sex with. You get up off the bed and sit in a chair, there’s two bodies having sex in front of you while you watch. And they WANT you to watch! It’s not ALL about sex, people. But some of it is…

7. The First Amendment and The Second Amendment and The Third Amendment


Like traditional 2 person marriages always work so great? It’s like, AAHH, open you’re minds sheeple! Life is short! Keep the government out of our throuples!

8. Mario and Luigi and Mario


If instead of man-man-man, it is a man-man-woman situation, the woman should be Luigi.