Papa Tim has been invited to another party. Yeah, it's rough being known... and sexy... and a cowboy? Ohhhh wait! Contrary to what I sing at karaoke; I in fact, am NOT A FUCKING COWBOY! Hmmm... not only am I NOT a cowboy, but I'm also NOT and Indian and I DO NOT have moccasins or cowboy hats or any other role playing nonsense that all of Orange County is quite obviously hording in their closets.
"Well honey, we could throw away the wire hangers but what if there
is an abortion themed party this summer?"
"You're right sweetheart, let's store them next to the shop vac."
I know, I shouldn't complain. I should be grateful that I'm not in Jersey being invited to douche-bag themed parties all the time. I should be happy that people want to have me into their home for additional eye candy (trust me ladies... that's what I am; too sweet and bad for your teeth if ya cross me!). I know... I'm bitching and it's ridiculous.
I'm not happy though. I just don't have 90 themes in my closet. I don't have cowboy or indian shit in there. I don't have Great Gatsby (seriously) shit in there. Okay, I admittedly have 70's themed shit but whatever. I don't have 1920's shit, or ABC (Anything But Clothes, really? I don't even know what to say to that but I'm probably not confident enough to even attempt anything there) or ummmm... okay I had a mustache for the mustache party but that was just lucky timing. This all means that every time there is a party I have to go shopping like it's Halloween in a world where it ain't Halloween. Do you know how hard it is finding shit that resembles clothes people haven't worn for 170 years? Pretty fucking hard in February. Sure, I can go to a costume store if I'm in the mood for some hot price rape but I can't afford it these days.
Anyway, I'm not proof reading or editing this at all. It is what it is and I needed to update and rant on here for a sec. As for my costume, I'm walking in there with parted hair and a red fucking dot smack dab in the middle of my fucking forhead. Indian THIS, pretentious, cocks.
Hall of Fame