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October 13, 2010

Oh sure...we have to have cell phones because they are urgent for us in absolutely NO situations whatsoever...well none that we ever use them in anyway!

People NEVER want you to listen to their phone calls but they always are in your face with them wherever you go.

"Honey...guess what? I've got that little rash again." or "Oh yeah...Well I hate your guts too..and don't call me here ever again Mom" or "No means NO...I've been explaining to you on the phone for the last 30 minutes why you can't sell your little brother on Ebay (Lord knows...people have tried)"

People always complain when someone hears their conversations yet wherever we go they're always yelling at someone to which we're supposed to ignore it."HONEY? This is a bad connection but I'm at the grocery store! I'll pick up a carton of milk. I left your cut from the bank robbery on the kitchen table. DID YOU HEAR ME? THE BANK ROBBERY MONEY..IT'S ON THE TABLE"

Personally I used to love the guy in the gym who worked out next to me who would make conference calls while he was jogging. Also he had one of those voices that North Korea could hear. So it would be like, "JIM! HEY..IT'S JOHN! I WENT OUT WITH LISA LAST NIGHT...GOD SHE WAS SO HOT..LET ME TELL YOU WHAT SHE DID IN BED...." and so it went on for the entire time he was at the club. Funny thing is is that he never really LOST any weight because a certain part of his anatomy would never stay SHUT long enough for him to drop an ounce.

So if you have the need to reach out and touch someone, just remember who else you might be touching as well