7 Funny Votes
2 Die Votes
Published April 19, 2011
"This is just awesome. There's this guy named Bull Dog that threatened to stick me if I don't give him my lunch every day. I can't wait to see what happens next.” Bob Tadsworth, a fan of prison reality shows, recently tried to sell a pound of heroin to a cop so he could learn more about prison life.

Tadsworth explains his actions, "After the jail shows I used to turn off the TV and think about my clean, middle class house in the suburbs. I have a beautiful wife, amazing children. And it totally sucks.”

“I asked myself, ‘Would T-Bone think this is thug?  Would Ace Playa' want to live here?’  Hell no. They would wreck the place and play bones all day except when they were pushing drugs on expensive hoes.   For playa’s like that, it's either the high life, or lockdown.

“I’m learning a lot in jail. The main, overarching theme is that I suck.

“None of the gangs will let me hang out with them, except when they’re gambling, because I suck at gambling.

“I’ve started, and lost, eleven fights. Each time I got solitary confinement, which is very interesting for about ten minutes, but after that, I get lonely and want to hang out with Bull Dog.

“I’ve gotten shanked twice. Once for attempting ebonics. And once for trying my hand at Spanglish with the esseys.

“But I’ll tell you what. I’m having the time of my life in here. The system is so messed up! I never got this kind of experience watching it on TV. But, all good things must end. Tomorrow I’m going to talk with the guards and tell them that I didn’t really want to sell heroin. I’ve got to get back to work.”