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October 14, 2015

Buildings looking to build their careers are invited to grow with us.

InFirm’s story started with a simple question: What if we didn’t pay our employees, and passed the savings along to our clients? This innovative strategy catapulted our digital marketing firm to the head of the pack faster than a gazelle wearing a jetpack. #ThoughtLeadership

Unpaid interns are the lifeblood of InFirm, and we bleed all over the place. These content ninjas, SEO assassins, and web design terrorists help the companies we serve take their business to the next level. Our diverse Millennial workforce gives InFirm a unique ability for connecting with younger audiences by speaking their language. #THOTleadership

See how hip we are? It’s okay to be jealous, other marketing companies.

Now, InFirm intends on pushing the unpaid internship concept into exciting new territory. We’re looking for a badass office building to join our badass team as a badass facility intern.

(That’s right, we’re swearing to show how edgy we are. We’re hoping you’ll think that edginess implies we keep up with the latest marketing trends, such as using Instant Grams and SnappyChatty. Also the unpaid content writer intern creating this job listing has no idea how parentheses work, but they’ll be better about that after finishing their remedial English college course.)

The unpaid facility intern will be mainly responsible for housing our team of unpaid interns. You’ll be like Liam Neeson in Taken, using a particular set of skills that result in pain and suffering for all involved. Check out the qualifications below to see if you’ll fit in with InFirm’s elite team.

· Must have at least 50,000 square feet and three years of experience as a company’s headquarters.
· Be able to provide own electricity, water, and air conditioning.
· Strong attention to detail i.e. not letting roof leak, lightbulbs never burn out, etc.
· Constructed out of non-flammable materials a huge plus, as our unpaid Adwords intern will be smoking joints in your supply closet on a regular basis. While most of the time he remembers to put them all the way out, he’ll occasionally just drop a burning doobie in the corner. This caused our last facility to get fired, if you know what we mean.
· Advanced knowledge of break rooms, kitchens, and conference rooms strongly preferred.
· Be a team player that works well with others. That means your snack machines should be able to accommodate gluten-free, vegan, and paleo diets.

There is potential for the Facility Intern to transition into a paid role when we feel like it (we won’t).

InFirm is also hiring for other positions. If you’re a pile of $1,000,000 in cash, InFirm is currently looking for an unpaid bank account intern.