It’s the Great Dumpkin, Charlie Brown!
It was the eve of November 6, 2014. A night that would set forth a chain of events that would forever change the course of my life.
Scene 1: Setting the Stage
Uno’s Pizzeria & Grill. I had their Primo Pepperoni deep dish, a dish that would later jar something loose in me the likes I have never seen.
Scene 2: The Calm Before the Storm
It was 5am. The room was dark and quiet. You could hear the slow turning of the overhead ceiling fan. There was a coolness in the air.
Scene 3: The Porcelain Altar
I was sleeping peacefully when all of the sudden there was an echoing growl from the gallows. Like being hit with a bag of bricks, I was hastily summoned to the throne…dropping trou just in time as to not make a mess of myself. The tile was cold that morning, my friends. What came next, I can only describe as a feeling of molten hot lava flowing out of me for the next 20min.
Scene 4: Nine Wipes & Three Flushes Later
Exhaustion. Sore back. Achy ankles. Clammy palms. A bit of itchy-a. It was all over. Light was just breaking outside. I rose from the throne, a changed man, in what was to become my most epic crap.