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June 14, 2009
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Here is a medley of famous prostitute lines.  I wrote this for Noelle.

EXT.  OUTSIDE A BAR.  EVENING

FADE IN:

Two men, Erin and Ben, pull up to the backside of a bar in a van.

ERIN

I’ll be right back.

BEN

Cool.

Erin gets out of the van and enters the bar through the back entrance.

Ben watches a woman, apparently a hooker, approach the van.

HOOKER
Hey, baby.  Mmmm.  You know, for 75 dollars, I’ll suck you till your asshole rumbles like a volcano.

BEN
(snickers)
Ooooh, that’s original.

HOOKER
(irritated)
Hey, man.  What’s your deal?

BEN
I don’t have a deal.  Did you know that your proposition is right out of the movie, “Barfly”?

HOOKER
What?  What are you saying?

BEN
I’m a movie buff.  And you just used a classic Bukowski line to solicit me. 

HOOKER
I had no idea.

BEN
Do you want to start over?  Presentation is everything.

HOOKER
Okay.  Hey Baby, my daddy used to spank my bare bottom, now he’s gone.  Will you take his place?

BEN
That’s from Risky Business.  Care to try again, pro?

HOOKER
Hey!  I don’t like what I’m doing sport!

BEN
Said Iris to Travis Bickle - “Taxi Driver”...now I’m impressed...

An older couple watches from a half block over.  The hooker sees them gawking and lashes out.

HOOKER
(to the older couple)
Fifty bucks grampa!  For seventy-five the wife can watch.

BEN
(getting bored)
“Pretty Woman”.  Jesus!  Enough with the movie lines! Can’t you just solicit me in your own, original words?

HOOKER
(starting to shiver from the cold)
Alright.  Here goes.  Hey, man.  Would you like a date with me?

BEN
(thinking for a beat)
I...don’t...recognize that line.  Nice job!

HOOKER
(smiles...really shivering now)
Great, so are we on?

BEN
Nyeh, I don’t think so, honey.

HOOKER
What?  Why not?

BEN
Nothing personal, I just don’t date cops.

HOOKER (COP)
Shit!  How did you know?

BEN
This is Sandpoint, darling.  There are like four hookers in this town and they all get jobs as lifties on the mountains in the winter, therefore, if you see a hooker in winter, it’s a cop.

HOOKER
(sarcastically)
Hope I didn’t take too much of your time.

BEN
(grinning)
Chicago, the Musical - 2002!

Erin gets in the van.  He is confused.

ERIN
What’s going on here?

BEN
Just drive, dude.

Erin and Ben drive away as the hooker screams obscenities at them and flips the bird.

ERIN
What the heck was that about?

BEN
(with a Bukowski twang)
Misdirected animosity.  She doesn’t know a damn thing about me.

ERIN
Hey, that’s from “Barfly”, right?

BEN
You know it!

FADE TO BLACK.
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