(WASHINGTON, D.C.) – Following one of the closest and most hotly contested elections in US history, President Barack Obama was re-elected for a second term over Republican challenger Mitt Romney. Following Governor Romney’s concession speech, President Obama thanked his supporters and volunteers and then immediately imposed Sharia law in keeping with his Muslim values that he had expertly been keeping a secret since before he first ran for office.
“Fools! Fools! FOOOOOOOLS!” shrieked President Obama at the throngs of shocked onlookers as a massive Muslim/ Nazi/ Atheist flag rolled down obscuring the stars and stripes. “You should have listened to Chuck Norris!” in reference to the actor’s dire warnings that “America faces 1000 years of darkness” if Obama was re- elected, which turned out to be accurate.
The President howled; “Let the millennium of darkness begin! Now feel the power of the Socialist Muslim Atheist Negro might of Barack HUSSEIN Obama!”
First Lady Michelle Obama then appeared dressed head-to-toe in a Muslim Niqab and Burqa and set about circumcising actress and Tea Party advocate Victoria Jackson.
The President had aged rock star and outspoken Obama critic Ted Nugent hauled before him and demanded that he immediately convert to Islam or be beheaded on international television. When Nugent refused and began singing “The Star Spangled Banner”, President Obama sliced his head off with a scimitar he had concealed under his trench coat.
“Oh well.” said an onlooker in the crowd; “He’s still more reasonable than my Health Insurance provider.”
Dylan Rhymer’s live stand-up comedy special http://ow.ly/c0kUB