Today is the day we’ve all been waiting for. It’s finally here. It’s Laura Bush’s birthday! Laura, the country got together and we all pitched in and bought you a present. It’s a new President! We were gonna wrap it, but it’s an odd shape. Then we were gonna do that thing where you just wrap it in tissue paper and stick it in a used gift bag. But everyone knows that’s half-ass. So, I hope you like the President we got you. But also, if you don’t, I don’t care. And neither do you, because in January, you get your husband back. And we get our country Barack.
In the unfortunate event that Barack Obama does not win the presidency, I’d like to take this opportunity to pitch him an idea. He proved he was a bona fide TV star last week when he aired his thirty-minute infomercial. I think he should use his remaining campaign dollars to make a pilot for a new sitcom. It’s about a loveable president, his lawyer wife, and their adorable kids: Rudy, Vanessa, Theo, Lisa Bonet and the other one who was married to Elvin. We’d call it “The Hopestables”. I’m just saying, you don’t get residuals in the Senate.
John McCain, however, should stay far away from cameras. Because High Definition Television is the enemy of John McCain. It is not a forgiving medium. On HDTV, McCain looks like an elderly lizard. An elderly lizard who is very angry. Presumably because he is too lizardy to be president, and too old to be in a Geico commercial. That being said, I think McCain could have a career in television selling oatmeal, life insurance or old people scooters.
Executive Producer, “The Hopestables”
Hall of Fame