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Published January 11, 2009

I'm at work saturday trying to enjoy a Mountain Dew( I say trying because the price in our machine just went up 5 cents and we're in a recession) when this kid(one of the Trainer's sons) comes in with his girlfriend. I speak and we start chatting because he's a nice kid, about 16 or 17, and we've met a couple of times. So he starts to tell me a story about one of he and his girlfriend's latest arguments. Let me paint a picture for you. He lives in a trailer, as does she, and drinks, smokes(legal and illegal things), fucks, and fights........as does she! So you can imagine what his stories are like. Here we go as close to verbatim as possible with recall:

Kid: Let me tell you something dude. My girlfriend, Candy, is definitely crazier than any girl you've ever dated.

Me: Really? What makes her so bad? I mean, besides the fact that yall are fussing and fighting every damn time I've seen yall!
(shared laughter)

K: She's crazy ass fuck man! I mean this one time she told my mom that I had a little dick because, you know, my mom doesn't like her and calls her a slut and stuff. So Candy was like " Oh yeah? Well your son has a little dick and I bet he gets that from his dad!", man they fight like all the time.

Me: That's fucking hilarious bruh! I mean it's kinda fucked up. Let me say that first, but I mean, it's still funny!

K: Man that's not even the craziest thing she's ever done! Have you ever had a girl sneak into your window in the middle of the night while you were asleep with some other girl?

Me: Fuck no! I don't date girls that have meds let alone are off them! Plus I think any girl I fuck with knows that around me things that come through windows get shot!
(more shared laughs)

K: Man , this one time you know, we had broken up and I was sleeping with this girl that Candy absoloutely fucking hates dude. I mean they always fight like on sight when they see each other. Anyway, one night Candy saw her come over and she like waited outside my window and like heard us doing it or whatever and when we slept asleep she snuck in my window like she always does bro. So as I'm sleeping I start to feel this sharp pain and I mean it really hurts and so I wake up with this girl sleeping next to me, look down and I see Candy pulling the hair on my toes! And I mean she's just snatching the shit out like thread because I got real hairy toes and I was like " Fucking cut that shit out! Are you making a voodoo doll or something!" ! It was real crazy man. The girl I was asleep with woke up and my parents rushed in and I mean it was crazy as hell dude.

I bulshit you not guys! This convo actually happened and the killer part is that Candy was standing there with us the whole time! Laughing! Smiling and shit as if it was the story of how he proposed or some shit! Some of the CRAZIEST shit I've ever heard of!

I gotta go. I'm trying to write this whilst playing Dragon Quest VIII and as a result Dhoulmagus is kickin' my ass. Later

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