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Published December 20, 2008

when coloring those picture pages picture pages...do you always color the central person or thing first?  why is that?  i always see these packs of coloring sheets that are always at least 10 times too big to be practical in their non-"green" plastic bags, the kinds that small children will attempt to wear either as some weird child joke (see below) or because they truly are stupid and believe by putting on a bag with a big "super S" and a superman font logo on the side, they will somehow become them.  this sounds ridiculous, but as you will see children are at times more special then they think they are; take exibit A here, with the aforementioned child joke, this one being one of the knock knock variety...
now the young boy has probably no clue as to what he's doing here, he understands the premise of opening a conversation with a "knock knock", followed by the steps involved in using one said joke, will result in the laughter of the object he has chosen to "knock knock" at. observe this beaut:
"knock knock" the boy says to his mother
"who's there?" replies the mother, knowing full well this joke will not end well, yet readying her best false laugh, which children cannot separate from a real laugh. (any sound, whether it be false laughter or sputtering from choking on a burrito can and will be seen as approval of the joke)
"pencil" the pensive boy proudly exclaims as he thinks that he's really got a doozy on his hands here
"pencil who?" the mother says, already subconciously groaning at with the thought of how ridiculous this punchline will be
"pencil lady"...now at the conclusion of this unexpected punchline, the boy will undoubtably follow the successful delivery of his joke with a long string of victorious boy laughter, that sounds like a villian on helium.  the mother on the other hand, may at the reception of this joke, may truly like the joke based on its sheer randomness, as the concept of a pencil lady knocking at your door is really quite a silly thought.
can you imagine what you'd do if this imaginary lady came over? 
it'd be like some sort of monty python sketch gone arwy as you'd have this extremely skinny lady constructed purely of 2B bright yellow pencils, with multiple ends sharpened and at least 2 erasers handy to clean up the marks she will make on your freshly painted titanium white walls (for you trivia fans out there, this is bob ross' white of choice, used in making all those mountains appear that much more crisp and skiiable in appearance) the problem with pencil lady's marks on the wall is that they will not resemble a tree with a happy little squirrel in them, instead a drawing a four-year-old made with his wrong hand and his eyes clenched shut.  and then she'll feel bad and try erasing it, but her marks will be done on so hard that they wont come off and things will just become awkward.
...so if this lucy in the sky with diamond reject comes over to your house, merely suggest that perhaps a trip to the aquarium would be far nicer, as it would be assuming you go to one with tropical fish displays and not the undersea gardens in victoria which is filled with poo browns and mud greens (not colors that bob ross would endorse under any circumstance).  that sentence sure was long...like run-on-long. see sentence run.  run sentence run.  i dont think it'd win any races, but it still would be neat to see your words in motion, dont you think?  (assuming you are thinking, and not a rock or a robot without selfcontrol over their own thoughts) remember data from star trek the next generation?  he had no emotions, which made me sad, but not him...he couldnt feel remember?

sidenote back to the mainnote...whats the deal with those giant sheets of paper and the fact that the colors that the manufacturers provide are never the ones the character would be colored in, and the pens never last long enough to color one sheet, let alone the other four or so sheets in the package?  ive always found that to make me wonder why im still standing here debating whether or not id want to buy a package of these transformer sheets that have the movie robots, when really i like the old 80s ones better?  oh right, im not...im still in bed wishing that id gotten more than four hours of sleep.  data never needed sleep did he?

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