The internet is a giant garbage dump, but these tweets still love it every part of it.
Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet.— Daniel Kibblesmith (@kibblesmith) November 19, 2016
Your parents in 2016: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.
Tonight, I went for a walk with my eighty-year-old neighbor who doesn't get her news from the internet and I felt like a time traveler.— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) December 5, 2016
[if people went to prison for reasons my mum thinks]— k e i t h (@KeetPotato) November 25, 2016
i drank a beer when i was 17, what you in for?
"i downloaded shrek 2 off the internet"
why would anyone fight w a stranger on the internet when u can just fight w your spouse in a Golden Corral?— Megan Neuringer (@MeganNeuringer) April 19, 2016
The most hate I've ever gotten on the internet was when I spelled twenty one pilots as "21 pilots"— Christine Sydelko (@csydelko) October 17, 2016
Can't spell Internet without "intern who is working for free whilst drowning in college debt"— Siobhan Thompson (@vornietom) March 25, 2016
People say the world is bad because you can buy an AK-47 on the internet but where are they looking, like what site because I can't find one— Noël Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) October 28, 2016
Before the Internet, if you wanted to say something disrespectful anonymously to a large group of people, you had to hire a sky writer.— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) July 13, 2016
My son put a Minecraft server called “my dad sucks” on the Internet and the police won’t arrest him for it— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) March 8, 2016
The entire Internet is a giant certificate of participation— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 25, 2016
AD: Pride and Prejudice— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) November 6, 2016
AD: and Zombies
ME: Epic fuck. Sir, you have won the Internet. Bacon. Sriracha. Bill Murray
Kids today don’t know hardship. When I was a kid times were tough. Everything was the same but the internet was slower— Hippo (@InternetHippo) June 16, 2016
The internet makes me feel like a kid in a candy store if the candy was mixed in with bits of broken glass and Andy Borowitz headlines.— maura quint (@behindyourback) November 28, 2016
Cause of death: Drowned in all the answers to a rhetorical question she posted on the Internet.— Kashana (@kashanacauley) May 1, 2016
twitter is hell & so is the internet but- consider this: dog pics. pics of dogs. pictures that are... of a dog. dogs that have been pictured— beth (@imteddybless) October 25, 2016
In my day, we didn’t have Internet porn. We had to fashion a Silly Putty penis for He-Man, and make him get dominated by Teela and Evil-Lyn.— REW (@therealeatwood) September 5, 2016
"What do your kids do?"— Chris Kelly (@imchriskelly) June 15, 2016
"My daughter is a doctor and my son is an internet culturista."
Before the Internet came around I was like a really mediocre Google to some of the neighborhood kids.— Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) March 1, 2016
*if Internet were real life*— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) August 28, 2016
*at baby shower*
Me: did y'all finish stranger things? I loved it!
Them: go fuck yourself you piece of shit.
It's the little things that make me happy. Sweetest Day flowers, a nice card, being added to an internet list titled "please sit on my face"— (@Sassafrantz) October 16, 2016
The internet: that place where you click around, and somehow keep accidentally ending up on the SoCal Honda dealers page.— Dan Cronin (@croninwhocares) December 6, 2016
RT if you're a tiny parakeet pretending to be a clinically depressed woman on the internet— Dee (@figgled) October 9, 2016
Oh my god.— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) March 8, 2016
He DID invent the internet.
That's why it runs on "Al Gore Rhythms"