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Published December 12, 2012 More Info ยป
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Published December 12, 2012
GREAT NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS BY JOSHUA PROCTOR Come January 2 every asshole you know will be asking you "what is resolution this year?" So you better start thinking of one now. However I am here to help here are some you can use for free!!!! YOU ARE WELCOME!!!!!!! Do more coke Start a new Holocaust To think of a resolution for 2014 To catch the guy who killed OJ's wife (The real killer is still out there) Learn all the words to every Ke$ha song Beat Minesweeper Stop saying YOLO aka Stop being a d-bag Kill M.C Hammer Start a religion To punch everyone in the face that thinks Nascar is a sport Try to figure out why "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" comes on the learning channel Get NBC to bring back Joey Join the nuclear arms race Eat more Arby's Try to get on that Megan's law site "Make" Joe Biden the president Become the new coach of the Eagles Beat John Cena Find the band Korn Get away with murder Push over Eric LeGrand Pay back China Get 4 of your friends and beat The Lakers Try to get Uncle Buck the Oscar it should have won Marry Casey Anthony Become the Batman of your town Find the 14 people on Google+ and ask them why Bring back Polio Build the Matrix Learn how to play the triangle Bang Lady Gaga Drink nothing but R.C cola Get a tweet from Sinbad Stop doing Foursquare updates on your Facebook (Nobody cares that you are at K.F.C) Make sure Hopsin wins a Grammy Slap a bitch Help Taylor Swift write her next break-up song Call every Tony Stark in the phone book and ask if he is Iron Man or Sherlock Holmes Rape a chick with Ben Roethlisberger Bring back Pogs Learn how to spell acrost Put Billy Crystal out of his misery Dig up Ronald Reagan Try to figure out what the hell happened during the movie Natural Born Killers Learn how to play every 2 Chainz song on the piano Find a funny Family Circus comic Tell a Sandusky joke everyday Become a congressman (Nicholas Brody style) Look into Scientology Put the new Robocop movie in your Netflix queue Find someone who cares about the NHL lock-out Try to get through a How I Met Your Mother episode without vomiting Stop internet memes Kill every member of Maroon 5 Bet it all on Notre Dame!!! Try to find a second good song by Foster the People Stop fucking cursing Beat the next the person who ask what is your New Year's resolution with a lead pipe and then take their body and bury it (Like in Kill Bill Vol 2 or the movie Buried) LIKE MY FACEBOOK PAGE:JOSHUA'S POINT OF VIEW FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER @TODAJETS