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36 Funny Votes
5 Die Votes
232 Views
Published October 26, 2011
Oh, hey mom. Yeah, no, I just thought I'd call it a night. I wasn't scared. Obviously. I've been nightlight-free for, what, eleven days now? I think that speaks for itself. I'm just kind of over Halloween. Getting all dressed up like this. I mean, who are we trying to impress? I feel like we've come further than that, you know? As a country. Our founding fathers are probably rolling over in their graves.

And didn't you see that 60 Minutes special on diabetes? We could have a real crisis on our hands here. How people can be gorging themselves on candy at a time like this is beyond me. You want to talk about scary... I'd like to know who's going to pay those hospital bills.

Plus there's that cold front moving in. You know what that does to my knees. Why put myself through that, you know? I have a tee ball game tomorrow. You think Hank Aaron ever trick-or-treated the night before a game? I doubt it.

And don't even get me started on all of the gang violence that's been happening lately. Red, blue, pink, purple... a guy could get shot just trying to support breast cancer awareness. And it's not like this costume is made of real kevlar. Am I right?

Anyway, I think I'm just going to turn in.

Hey, don't worry... I'll crash with you and Dad. I know how scared you get.
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