They’re not Avengers, they’re not Revengers, they’re not Prefenders. They are Defenders.

Marvel’s Netflix’s Everyone comes together for a superteam show that will pull in elements from all of their series with what we all wished for from each - shorter, fewer episodes!

You know what they can’t defend you from though?

SPOILERS!


1) Get Fisted

Screen Shot 2017-08-18 at 12.58.53 PM.jpg

I was so bad in New York!

Just below the streets of generic Asia, in the cleanest sewers ever, it’s a ninja fight! Just like real-life generic Asia.


Danny Rand, aka Iron Fist, and Colleen Wing, aka Colleen Wing, save a guy who tells to go back to New York. Danny is furious because that’s where his bad TV series took place.

2) I said “that’s A fine” not “that’s fine”

Screen Shot 2017-08-18 at 12.59.57 PM.jpg

I found the reason why your car wouldn’t move - it was attached to another car.

Jessica wakes up in a bar and immediately breaks the law by pulling Patty’s car off a tow truck. If you’ve ever had to deal with parking in New York you’d know this is the most heroic moment of any Marvel Netflix series.

3) Out on bail, fresh outta jail, California Harlem dreamin’

Screen Shot 2017-08-18 at 1.01.03 PM.jpg

Did you know I met Method Man once?

Marvel’s Luke Cage finishes up his prison sentence from the end of “Marvel’s Luke Cage.” Foggy Nelson meets him at the door and offers Luke his services. Foggy’s also working for a new law firm now. I wonder what Matt Murdock thinks of that?

4) Lawwwww shit

Screen Shot 2017-08-18 at 1.02.16 PM.jpg

“I wanna Daredevil this guy’s ass so bad right now.”

Turns out he doesn’t have any time, between practicing law arguments and listening at crime.

Murdock is channelling all his Daredevil energy into the courtroom as he aggressively performs a verbal takedown of a suit on the stand.

After winning the case he gives his teenage client a terrible pep talk then is greeted by…Karen Page. AWK.WAR.DD. ← Two D’s for Daredevil.

Also Matt Murdock is Daredevil. Spoiler.

Screen Shot 2017-08-18 at 1.02.39 PM.jpg

“Hi Matt, remember me? It’s Karen. From Marvel’s Netflix’s Daredevil - The Show: The TV Series [A Netflix Original]?”

5) From dream weaver…

Screen Shot 2017-08-18 at 1.03.09 PM.jpg

“Why do I suck so bad?”

Danny has a dream about washing his face then shaming himself. Even in his dreams NOTHING HAPPENS.

6) …to Sigourney Weaver

Screen Shot 2017-08-18 at 1.03.36 PM.jpg

“…but what I really want to do is not have cancer.”

Meanwhile, at a really clean hospital, we meet Sigourney Weaver Alexandra Grant just in time to find out she’s dying.

7) ‘Wanna play a game?’

Screen Shot 2017-08-18 at 1.04.07 PM.jpg

“It’s from West Elm’s ‘Decorative Cardboard’ collection.”

Jessica is approached by a woman whose husband is missing. She blows them off, then gets a phone call from the Scream mask telling her not to search for this dude, which immediately makes her want to search for this dude.

Screen Shot 2017-08-18 at 1.05.09 PM.jpg

“A time share opportunity? I’m in!”

8) FINALLY

Screen Shot 2017-08-18 at 1.06.28 PM.jpg

*LOUD SEX GRUNTS*

LUKE AND CLAIRE BANG.

9) Turn the Page

Screen Shot 2017-08-18 at 1.07.24 PM.jpg

“So, uhhhh, are you still blind?”

Matt and Karen have an awkward catchup at a diner. Matt mentions that he’s no longer Daredevil. Karen tells him she thinks ol’ Hornehead made the city a safer place.

Also Matt Murdock is no longer Daredevil. Spoiler.

10) She’ll get to the bottom of any bottle case

Screen Shot 2017-08-18 at 1.07.54 PM.jpg

Private investigation is a whiskey business.

Jessica researches the missing husband and a bottle of whiskey. Malcolm swings through to remind us he did heroin on “Jessica Jones.”

She does a bit of detective work and finds out the call came from a pay phone in Hell’s Kitchen.

11) He just makes late night fun, ya know?

Screen Shot 2017-08-18 at 1.08.58 PM.jpg

“My opinion? Yes, you paid too much for this car.”

Luke and Misty Knight catch up about what’s been happening since he’s been locked up. Someone has been using young men in Harlem for some “late night activity” - and I don’t mean playing flip cup on The Tonight Show. The men are later all found dead around the area - and I don’t mean like Jimmy’s jokes on The Tonight Show.

12) Confession camera

Screen Shot 2017-08-18 at 1.10.04 PM.jpg

“No, father, I don’t *SEE* your point. Stop laughing.”

Matt sits in confession and tries to sort out what he’s feeling inside. The priest asks him if he’s in love with being Daredevil or if he’s still in love with Elektra.

What about Elektra in the Daredevil costume? That would make Matt’s billy club explode.

13) A bad case of Gaout

Screen Shot 2017-08-18 at 1.10.30 PM.jpg

“So do you know any of the birds in this park?”

Back with Sigourney Weaver in Central Park where she’s meeting with Madame Gao. Oh shoot, I knew she was wearing too much white to be one of the good guys. They set up a meeting for a future episode.

14) I. don’t. want. your. life.

Screen Shot 2017-08-18 at 1.11.12 PM.jpg

“Please stop trying to kiss my hand Luke.”

Luke drops in on the younger brother of the victim Misty showed him earlier. Cage offers his help but the kid isn’t interested in having a hero help him out. Luke exits down a stairwell with a faulty bulb.

15) Nobody’s home

Screen Shot 2017-08-18 at 1.12.05 PM.jpg

“Hello? Any babadooks out there?”

Jessica, hunting down the Scream voice, walks through a different building with a faulty bulb. I’d like to pitch a new hero for this series - The Human Electrician.

No answer at the door and Jessica breaks in. No one is home and whoever lives there left their giant box of explosives out. Let this be a lesson - always clean up your explosives before you leave.

Screen Shot 2017-08-18 at 1.12.33 PM.jpg

Jessica discovers an explosive bowel movement.

16) She makes the Earth move

Screen Shot 2017-08-18 at 1.13.27 PM.jpg

“It’s from LOFT. No, not Ann Taylor Loft. LOFT.”

Colleen and Danny get back to New York just in time for a weird earthquake to hit the city. Alexandra Grant is definitely behind this as she turns to talk to - ELEKTRA. GA GA WHAAAA???

Screen Shot 2017-08-18 at 1.13.44 PM.jpg

“That’s all that happened on ‘Iron Fist?’ Guess I didn’t miss much.”

17) *EIGHT THOUSAND SOUNDS AT ONCE*

Screen Shot 2017-08-18 at 1.14.01 PM.jpg

*LOUD SEX GRUNTS*

Matt Murdock is overwhelmed by the chaos in the city.

It looks like Matt Murdock is gonna be Daredevil again. Spoiler.


DP does a really great job of revisiting the angles and lighting of each show, making these disparate scenes feel distinct but connected.

Iron Fist is already more interesting than he was in his own series but we still have seven more episodes for them to screw it up.

Alexandra Grant is going to be a huge nuisance for someone dying of cancer. When my grandfather died of cancer all he did was complain about the price of healthcare.

We all deal with death differently!

Follow the rest of the series here.

Advertisement
Advertisement