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Published May 26, 2009
So... for starters... if you don't read owsla's blog (here: http://www.funnyordie.com/blog/posts/15953 ) .... this will seem weird...

Ok... weird for Kenny G. ....

Ok...  fine... I'm weird... just read owsla first... then me....

....

.........

.......................

Aren't you done yet?!?!?

Ok... Now... my version... that was gonna be a comment... but was too damn long...

So, I was 12... Yes... 12... and on my skippy little way to Australia...

Don't ask how......... FINE!.... You wanna know... I useta be smrt... and smrt too.... maybe even smart.......

Needless to say... there I was... on my way from Detroit Metro... to L.A. ... to connect to Sydney.... 4 hours.... first plane ride EVER..... Hurr-Gord-Dorm-AAAAAAAAA!!!YYYYY!!!!!

... And those asshole served chili....

............. With cheese... which is not my thing....

......................... But as a hungry 12 year old......

I ate it.... Held it in throughout the flight... and the 13 hour flight from L.A. to Sydney... with the 1 hour layover....

Until we hit the hotel... 4 hours after landing....

Then porcelin suffered... sorry porcelin lovers... but I have to be honest...

Hell yeah + OUCH in one fluid High Five... I know...

That wasn't my pain...

My pain came... coupled with shame... 3 weeks later... on the return flight....

Needless to say, I did "drop one" on the tour bus while we were there (leave me alone.... I Was 12!!!!) ... and caught hell for it the rest of the trip... but that is not the worst part....

The customs "rep" had just grilled us/scared the shit out of us... right after I bought a bag of candy and a 60 oz bottle of water with the last of my money.... and opened both.....

Hence... neither made it to the customs check point....

Let's just let your biology homework kick in..... ok.... got it??... good.

1.25 hours into the 13 hour flight back to L.A. ... with a 4 hour flight to Detroit to follow.... I had to "piddle"....

... And found a line....

......... A slow moving line......

...................... A REALLY SLOW moving line......

..................................... And I was wearing Chaki (spelling??) pants......

Needless to say... I wore a blanket around my waist for 11.75 hours......

............ Only to find out.... 1/2 hour before we landed in L.A. ..... that the one restroom... that said "occupied".... was open... but with the sign not changed back..............

I hate flying.... unlesss it's 1- 1 1/2 hours..... With no food.....

Thanks owsla, for remiding me of this nightmare... :-)

- Kenny G.
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