Full Credits

Stats & Data

May 14, 2012

My completely serious CV which some people seem to find amusing. Unemployment is no joke!


nick Tapscott


232  |  Napier Street Fitzroy  |  0406 484 440  |  nick.tapscott@gmail.com




Skills Profile

  • Ability to perform any task while playing Angry Birds, including shave, up-load photos of cats to Facebook, and set high scores on Fruit Ninja. 
  • Double AWARD School graduate, Adelaide 2006/Melbourne 2009. This means I can be creative sometimes.
  • Bachelor of Communications with a Sub-Major in Professional Writing. This means I know about media and can write in it.  
  • Ability to watch Port Power ‘play’ footy and still claim to support them.

Employment History

Head Barista/Supervisor Arcadia/Mister Close

2010 — Current


  • Increased coffee sales from 20kgs p/week to 30kgs p/week.
  • Got my photo in Epicure, Broadsheet, Broadsheet On-Line and my hands on Postcards Melbourne (Seriously. They just showed a quick 3 seconds of my hands pouring coffee. Still counts!)
  • Was starting Barista for Mister Close, one of Melbourne’s newest, trendiest eateries.
  • An anonymous comment on Urban Spoon said ‘My take-away latte was perfect’. And because it was written by a stranger on the internet, it has to be true. Right?
  • Contact Sandra Rokebrand at Arcadia (03 9416 1055) or Peter Knowles at Mister Close (03 9654 7778) for all the latest news and goss.  

Head Barista/Supervisor Café Alcaston

2009 — 2010


  • Tested the limits of human endurance (by which I mean caffeine consumption) by working this job at the same time as completing AWARD School Melbourne. 8 cups a day. Beat that Bear Grylls.
  • Increased coffee sales from 16kgs p/week to 22kgs p/week.
  • Advertising legend Ron Mather was one of our regulars, and I got a chance to show him some of my ads. He loved them! Nothing ever came of it, but good to know.
  • Contact Attia Iesse (03 9650 9387) to confirm that I was really only drinking 5 cups a day.    

Assistant Traffic Manager Clemenger BBDO


St Kilda Rd, Melbourne

  • Assisted with the management of traffic through the creative department, e-mailing, WIP, etc.
  • Exchanged e-mails and casual chit chat with Ant Keogh (The Big Ad) Emma Hill (Mutual Community) Tom and Jules (Support Scent, NAB Break Up) and ECD James McGrath (Bolle) all without wetting myself, not even once.
  • Put grubby finger prints all over their shiny trophies from Cannes, New York and London.    
  • Managed to show some work around, and was told by some that it was ‘alright I guess’. Win!
  • Interviewed for a Creative job with James McGrath. Didn’t get it, but bragged down the pub for months. Contact him at James.Mcgrath@Clemenger.com.au. Please don’t mention the bragging part.  

The rest

From here — To eternity

Is history

  • Obviously these aren’t all the jobs I’ve had, just the most relevant ones. Here are some other fun facts:
  • I play drums. My bands IGFKY (Adelaide) and Transnational (Melbourne) both achieved national notoriety,   but not to the point that you would have heard of us. Some nerds on the internet liked us…
  • While studying, I tried my hand at club promotion. I’ve run about 60 individual events, including raves, house parties and rock n roll pub shows. It never made me rich, but was a super fun happy way to pay some bills and drink free beer. Some of the skills even stuck. And so did some of the beers…To my waist-line that is!
  • While travelling in the U.S.A. I met New Kids on the Block. My Careers Counselor told me that this information is inappropriate for a resume. I disagree.  
  • But seriously though, I’m not fat.
  • These are the countries which I didn’t meet New Kids on the Block while travelling in; Malaysia, Thailand, Mexico, Canada, Japan, Laos and Singapore. Or any other boy bands for that matter. What a massive rip-off.
  • Years ago, before he went by the name ‘From Master Chef’, I used to hang out with Adam Liaw. He told me about how he got fired from his first law job by raiding the firm’s liquor cabinet and then waking up, in his underwear, on the boardroom table, in front of the board.
  • Over the course of my life I have made over 500 000 coffees. I have also worked in one capacity or another in over 50 restaurants, bars, clubs and cafes. This is a fairly clear indication of my addictive personality. Never let me near any bubble wrap or scratchy tickets; however crack, bourbon and violent video games will all be acceptable.    
  • I’ve started work on a feature film. While in Uni I wrote and produced several short films, which my teachers didn’t seem to hate. By chance, Tony Rogers (director of ‘Wilfred’) and I got to talking and he said that if I wrote a story or a screenplay he’d ’…take a look at it’. As a result I told my parents I was a big-shot screen writer, and they pretended to believe me. I love my parents.
  • Think ‘Home Alone’ meets ‘Mad Max’. Don’t steal it.
  • Problem: The letters I.G.F.K.Y. (my band’s name) stand for ‘I’m gonna fucking kill you’. Most people in the Adelaide music scene reacted in much the same way you just have, and wrote us off as being dumb Bogan metal.
  • Solution: Sign us up to the local folk music open mike under the pseudonym ‘I want to hug and kiss you’, and force people to listen. This would also communicate the core brand value of ‘We’re punk rock and we don’t care’.
  • Result: Everyone loved it, and we were taken more seriously from then on. After this we were booked to support the band Die!Die!Die!, who also loved it. So much in fact they made us their No 1 MySpace friend, and told everyone they knew in Australia how awesome we were.
  • And then nothing happened so I moved to Melbourne. 
  • I’ve got a portfolio of advertising that you can look at, but only if you ask me for it, and usually only in person. Even if you’re in Sydney, I’ll find a way to make that meeting. That way you have to give me feedback; both on my ads and on my hair.  I sincerely hope you do ask because my hair is truly amazing.