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June 27, 2012

A helpless plea to return an allegedly discontinued Snapple flavor.


For year’s now, I’ve been “going bananas” trying to find the Snapple ”Go Bananas” flavor in delis who would sell it consistently and now they’re discontinuing it! :(
*SNIFF* I loved Snapple! We had something special and beautiful together. I’d pay them money and  they’d give me banana juice & Real Facts. I can;t live without that relationship.
Hey, Snapple, here’s a Real Fact for you: “One of Snapple’s best customers doesn’t know if he can go on living without “Go Bananas”!
Do you even know how hard it is to find bottled banana juice in stores in the tri-state area? I have to drive an hour away to Corrado’s! Once there, I endure the sights, sounds and smells of disgusting, international, third-world goat parts, cattle genitalia and the stench of a thousand rotting cheeses! 
My investigations have led me to several deli workers that stock shelves and order the shipments who claim Snapple canceled that glorious, liquid-orgasm of a juice product  because of quickly spoiling puree and lack of popularity. Really? Diet Coke works as a spermicide but you can’t improve your puree?
Some creative marketing was all it would’ve taken to keep the love of my life on shelves. People I’ve talked to over the years have never even heard of banana Snapple!
*SIGH* If only there was some way I could go campaigning to make this a non-private sectror issue. Shit, I gotta get me a Super PAC, before those are (hopefully) discontinued as well. 
  On the 2nd of June, I have tracked down what are likely the remaining two Banana Snapples that were for sale. But where there are two, there could be more! I hope. My life-force dearly relies on these drinks, as you know from reading above in this post.
     I will keep you all up to date on my latest information acquired throughout my travels and investigations, as I have devoted a portion of my life to righting the wrongs and fighting the discrimination society has burdened us Snapple lovers. Soon, my friends, I hope to form a group of lobbyists
     That is all for now, and remember in the immortal words of The Most Interesting Man in the World: "Stay Thirsty My Friends."