Norris Celebrates America: booze, explosives, and family = america

It's that time of the year folks. The time where we grab explosives and blow shit up in the name of god for our country. I'm not talking about September 11th, I'm talking about July 4th. The description of those two dates sound extremely similar. But, hey. I know we're representing our country in the way the founders of our country would want us to. So get drunk, eat 7 hot dogs with an entire bag of Lays BBQ chips, kiss your cousin, scream at your naked neighbor, sleep with your ex, and most importantly, blow something up.
Note: This blog is sponsored by Lays BBQ potato chips "Bet you can't eat just one!"

When I was young I would use this date as a stage. My family would always have a huge get together on their land (country for farm like place) in Kentucky. It was great. There was a ton of beer, drama, and fire. After all the fireworks were done, we would make a huge pile of them on the ground and light the remains on fire instead of just throwing them away like normal ass people. This was the 2nd most exciting part of the night - I'll explain the first later - because some of the fireworks wouldn't have finished going off yet, and I would sneak a couple that weren't lit at all in the fire, so there was always a huge firework show on the ground. Exciting for a 7 year old boy. The most exciting part was how I, Norris Lloyd, was the entertainment for the evening. I would run around, pretending to be Jim Carrey from The Mask, or doing old bits from Adam Sandler, Chris Farley or Steve Martin from Saturday Night Live. I WAS A KING. Until one of the shells was lodged to deep in the cannon, and didn't shoot out and blew up right behind me, making me cry and terrified of fireworks for years afterwards.

Luckily, I still want to be a comedian.

Norris out

 

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