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June 18, 2014
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We have our routines we do and don't even put a thought in. But what if you are doing something daily, completely wrong ? Well, read the article and find out.

Most people have trouble doing two things at once. Driving while on the phone, pooping and playing Sudoku, eating a double cheeseburger with extra bacon and cheese from Burger King and saving your dignity. But at least we mastered the simple everyday stuff that keeps us alive and well, right ? Well, as it turns out, NO. Modern humans actually do a lot of their activities wrong and don’t even know it. And I’m not talking about Math problems or repairing your TV, I’m talking about pretty basic stuff. Stuff like …

Pooping

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“What, really?” is what might first come to your mind. After all even newborn babies can do it. You’ve been doing it all your life. I’m doing it while I’m writing this article right now. Are we all that moronic we can’t even take a crap right? According to scientists, the answer is yes, we are.

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Are you sure?

You see, modern toilets date back to somewhere early 20th century. Pooping dates back to Dinosaur age. And the way your prehistoric Mom did it was squatting, not sitting. It turns out that your intestines throw the unused food resources under an angle and sitting while doing it is the leading reason for hemorrhoids and can cause a diverticular disease.

What’s the correct way then?

We must all go oldschool, just like they used to do it in Bedrock.It’s a simple matter of evolution. Human species evolved to squat during the process and we should continue to do it like that if to avoid any ‘output complications’ from happening. Of course I don’t suggest pooping in the parks with the dogs, just use a stool or other item to put your feet onto while doing it.

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You right now googling “Proper way of pooping”. We all know where you read this article …

Bathing

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From young toddlers we are told that bathing is a must everyday. Else, we would become a stinky anti-social loner who’s only quality is his character in World of Warcraft. No dating, no career advancement, not even a pet dog would tolerate you. But as it turns out, washing down your nasty nasty sweat is wrong for your body and your bathing schedule is wrong.

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80 lvl and with a correct bathing schedule, punk!

While it does repel the bad odour,bathing daily strips off the so called “horny layer” of our skin. Thus it makes it much more vulnerable for any kind of skin diseases. Back in the days when inside plumbing wasn’t a thing they bathed less often and had a lot of kinky sex. And today, even if you use all the items in a woman’s bathroom (~517) you still don’t kill the bacteria and microorganisms on your skin,you just relocate them.

What’s the correct way then?

I’m not saying don’t bathe, although I strongly imply it (less competition for the ladies after all). But if you don’t want to look like a Chernobyl survivor, use a mild soap and rehydrate your skin with a moisturizer after a wash. And actually don’t bath seven times a week. Occasionally leave a day for your skin to rest.

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Rest is for the weak

Giving Birth

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It is an instinctive action, how can we wrong it ? It’s like a fish swimming wrong or a pigeon flying wrong. You are actually correct if thinking that.The error in modern birth giving comes from the doctors. The standard position lying on your back and your legs and feet raised, called “lithotomy”, is maybe the worst decision you can make. You are making the baby leave it’s comfortable home and you put gravity in it’s way. It’s like dragging Frodo out of the Shire to destroy the One Ring and breaking both his feet at the same time.

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It was so nice Sam. It was warm and comfy and I was fed trough this magical pipe plugged in my belly. And they made me fight to leave it.

The position is what it is only because doctors can see and operate more easily. But thismakes the labour much more difficult and increases the risk of vaginal tearing. Another very very wrong thing is the direct pushing.It is considered to increase the perineal damage and childbirth pain and also to reduce the amount of oxygen that gets to the fetus.

What’s the correct way then?

Just like making the baby, delivering it doesn’t have one optimal position. It differs for different women and it is a good practise to let the birth giver move until she ‘feels the right position’.Science says the squatting position increases the pelvic diameter with 10%. So it’s a lot like pooping I guess.

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I think the baby is kicking. Or is it the last night lasagna ?

House Cleaning

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You may be not cleaning everything correctly, but who cares. It is still a bit cleaner than before, right ? You know the old military saying “If it’s wet, it’s clean. If it’s painted, it’s new”.

As it turns out, it may be freshly painted and wet and even dirtier than before. What am I talking about? The dishes, for example. Thanks to one of the greatest inventions of human kind, the dishwasher, the only effort needed of us is placing the dirty dishes in the happy-box. Then it does it’s magic and clean utensils pop out ready to oblige you once more. Well, not always. It is proven that if you stack up all the dishes and forks really close together like a game of tetris, most of them wont get an even washing and bacteria and grease will stuck and stay.

Another common mistake is cleaning windows on a summer day. You might think it’s a lovely weather to shine them glasses, but you are actually making it worse. Exposed on a direct sunlight, the windows will dry up way too quickly and leave a lot of streaks.

What’s the correct way then?

Regarding the dishwasher, it is easy. Just put less utensils so they don’t stack up. If necessary, clean in two rounds. And if you’re using a detergent pod, place it in the dispenser—if tossed in, it’ll dissolve too quickly.

About the window cleaning, the solution is easy. Wait for a cloudy day. And while some may suggest using newspaper as a drying tool, a friend working for Window Cleaning Edmonton has taught me to stick with a microfiber cloths for the cleanest of cleans.

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Perfect time to clean the windows.

Sleeping

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Maybe cleaning and pooping correctly is hard, but sleeping ? You just literally lay down and do nothing. How can it go wrong? WHAT CAN ACTUALLY GO WRONG? I’ll tell you. Do you have those unexpected wake ups at 3 am for absolutely no reason? There is a reason.

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Nope, not that.

And you are not alone. If you go to your doctor and tell him about this, he will diagnose you with “sleeping disorder” and provide you some sleeping pills. And you really will sleep like a baby after that. A drugged one.

What’s the correct way then?

As a matter of fact, there’s nothing wrong with waking up in the middle of the night. It’s your reaction to it that is the problem. Before the invention of the light bulb, people with 8 hours or more of darkness actually slept in segments. Three-four hours of nap, one hour awoken and then another 3-4 hour nap. And it isn’t hard to figure out what that one hour gap was used for during the night.

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Nope, he doesn’t have something stuck between his teeth.

The rush of modern day society and the easily accessible electricity, our sleep routine was pushed back to the later hours. This made the whole nap-bone-nap schedule impractical, but it looks like no one told the morning wood about it. In result, we still wake up in the middle of the night not knowing why.

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