Following the tragedy of the worst mass shooting in U.S. history at a gay nightclub in Orlando over the weekend where the killer used an assault rifle he legally purchased just days before, we decided to offer some revisions to the NRA slogan “Guns Don’t Kill People, People Kill People.” That slogan is horrifically inaccurate. It has been shown time and time again that guns do kill people. Here are some more accurate revisions.


Guns don’t kill people, guns kill 50 people.


Guns don’t kill people, doing nothing about gun violence kills people.


Guns don’t kill people, hate-filled homophobic assholes with legally-purchased assault rifles kill people.


Guns don’t kill people, politicians who get donations from the NRA kill people.


Guns don’t kill people, and if you believe that I’ve got a timeshare opportunity I’d like to talk to you about.


Guns don’t kill people, banana peels on the floor kill people. Damn, we thought doing a silly one would lighten this up, but it is still too damn sad that we keep letting this happen to laugh.


Guns don’t kill people, guns kill people. Oh, wait.