Boston, MA - Bieber Fever is officially categorized as a fast moving form of Mad Cow Disease. The Boston Medicinal Journal published a study today that proves that listening to Justin Bieber's music will cause large, gaping holes to develop in the brain and spinal cord. Unlike Mad Cow Disease, which may take many years to develop, Bieber Fever may only take seconds to incapacitate its victims. The symptoms of Bieber Fever typically include:
- Dementia - the belief that Justin Bieber's popularity rests solely on his musical talents and not his Bambi-like cuteness.
- Memory Loss - all other males are forgotten. Bieber is ALL.
- Problems with Muscular Control - victims bounce, gyrate, and wave their arms chaotically while under the spell of Bieber Fever.
Dr. Melanie Canard, author of the study "Listening to Justin Bieber is Like Taking a Power Drill to Your Head", had this to say about the study, "We had 12,000 girls aged 9-14 listen to all the songs on Bieber's album My World . Within two minutes 100% of the subjects had lost control over their voices and could only squeal out Bieber's name. It appeared that all the girls suffered a type of seizure, but the movements seemed to be in sync with the music. It was very disturbing."
There is no known cure for Bieber Fever. Scientists are working around the clock to develop a vaccine to counteract this horrible disease. Until then it is suggested that no one listens to Justin Bieber.
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*This story is 100% fake.
** Photo by Daniel Ogren Photography and wikipedia