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0Funny
2Die
225
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October 03, 2010
Published
Description

You blink your eyes and childhood is gone.

One moment your playing baseball as a kid and you’re running the bases in slow motion and the next moment you’re waiting for biopsy results, Not things that make you go hmmm but things that make you go what the fuck.

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Your 16 and your told you can do anything you want, the world is your Pre BP oil spill oyster, and before you know it you’re spending your time and energy plotting ways to get some frustrated editor to take five minutes to read something of yours which by the time they finally do, you realize is not that important or worth your ridiculous persistence and as they read it they chip their  tooth on their macadamia nut brittle and they reject and curse everything you have ever written cause your name immediately reminds them of root canal. Not things that make you go hmm

 things that make you go what the fuck.

 

You skip and laugh, all excited taking your allowance to the drug store to buy some penny candy. Your biggest pressure in life is which candy to buy.

Now that penny candy cost you thousands in diabetes treatments and your allowance comes in the form of medicare which you make desperate trips to the mailbox in your hoveround swearing at every piece of gravel you encounter on the way there.

Not things that make you go hmm

 things that make you go what the fuck.

 

 

On television People are dancing and jumping up in the air from the joy of buying cars,

Now on television 300 pd nasty looking guys with tattoos wrestle you to the ground to as you try and stop them repossessing those same cars, not things that make you go hmmm,things that make you go what the fuck.

 

One second the woman you live with is muffin, wuffin,

Love and light of my life have you seen that magic wand I change the channels with

Then its hey you woman who has the ass of some the previously mention weird shaped baking product, have you seen the goddamn remote .

Not things that make you hmmm, things that make you go what the fuck.

 

Your 21 you tilt your head towards the and the sky is full of a million stars with the depth of possibility and the wonder of other worlds, 20 years later you barely manage to get out of car at night wrestling with chronic back pain you tilt your pulled muscle head its not to examine the heavens but to activate your motion sensitive lights around the house that blare out the stars like a suburban nuke.. 

Not things that make you go hmm

 things that make you go what the fuck.


One moment you’re a treasure hunter looking for gold and fossils by the creek

Then you’re in a ragged t shirt and dentures with a metal detector looking for nickels and returnable bottle caps in the mud. Not things that make you go hmm

 things that make you go what the fuck.

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