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May 28, 2008


Dallas, TX – In a recent coffee ad for Dunkin Donuts, former America’s Sweetheart Rachel Ray wore a black-and-white scarf that some mistook for a “keffiyeh,” which Fox news commentator Michelle Malkin describes as “the traditional scarf of Arab men that has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad.” This action has caused housewives in Dallas, Texas to go batshit loonball crazy.

“Honest to God, I hate her now,” said private piano instructor Bonnie Murke. “I haven’t worn a scarf around my neck since the Ann Taylor Fall 2000 line, which was way before the tragedy. It’s disgusting to me that someone like Rachel Ray would try to wage war on her own country.”

In downtown Dallas, hundreds of women are boldly and proudly wearing signs and buttons that read “E.V. OH NO!”

Said professional scrapbooker Jessica Becker, “It still boggles my mind that the National Anthem isn’t played in all television ads. I play it in my home every morning and force my family to sing along. And I also drink a lot and pray for my gay son to at least fake it for the family.”

Rachel Ray could not be reached for comment, most likely because she is in a cave making out with Osama bin Laden.