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December 11, 2012

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. “This is one of those days,” to misquote Fred Durst. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.


Sony says it will stop making cassette players next month. Said anyone under 20, "How did they fit just 12 songs on that plastic iPhone?"

A small monkey wearing a winter coat was spotted near an Ikea in Toronto. Patrons were concerned he either had an infectious disease or cheap knock-off watches.

Italian Prime Minister Mario Monti announced his resignation over the weekend. And just like that, he disappeared into the same green pipe he popped out of.

Twitter will be releasing their own Instagram-style photo filters around the holidays. Which explains Instagram's latest filter: Bankrupt.

Police say they've seen a 57 percent rise in arrests thanks largely to a local Pennsylvania newspaper posting wanted pictures on Pinterest. The newspaper tried using Tumblr but people got upset because the pictures weren't moving enough.

A new poll says 47 percent of Americans liked the Mitt Romney-Paul Ryan ticket. "You guys heard it too, right?" asked Mitt Romney. "I'm not just imagining that number is haunting me?"

President Obama visited autoworkers in Michigan to gain support for his solution to the fiscal cliff. Also, his solution to getting Cliff to be more fiscal.

North Korea announced it will be pushing back its rocket launch until later this month. "Oh no," said fans of failure. 

Japan officially entered a recession on Monday. In their defense, they are hiding from a giant lizard. 

Miley Cyrus was spotted singing at a concert in Hollywood alongside a topless stripper. Said one review, "It was oversexualized and very off-putting. The stripper wasn't bad."

Two University of Colorado students were arrested for serving marijuana-laced brownies to their professor and classmates without warning them first. Now who's laughing? Oh. They still are.