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February 21, 2017
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How many more Americans have to flinch before we finally decide that enough is enough?

America is a nation that cherishes its freedoms. It’s one of the things that makes this country so special. However, we cannot allow blind allegiance to these ideals to stop us from taking sensible steps to protect ourselves from antics. It’s high time the United States got serious about regulating guns that shoot flags that read “bang!”

Congress has passed the buck on this for too long. The American people overwhelmingly want to see them pass commonsense legislation that protects their families from flag-based mockery. They are tired of being startled and then blushing with embarrassment after realizing they just got tricked.

How many more Americans have to flinch before we finally decide that enough is enough?

Just the other day, 6 innocent people were chumped by a flag gunman at a Spencer’s Gifts in Jersey City. It turns out the little scamp hadn’t even bought the novelty pistol, but was just trying it out in the store. Stories like this have become all too routine, and we’ve started to become desensitized to it. But this level of humiliation is not normal, and we should not treat it as such.

In many states, it’s easier to buy a gun that shoots flags than it is to buy a flag that shoots guns. This is lunacy.

Expanding background checks for novelty gun buyers can help prevent mentally ill rascals with a criminal record from getting ahold of these dangerously funny tools of ribaldry. Trigger lock technology is another reasonable option that prevents flag-shooting firearms from being discharged by someone other than the rapscallion that owns it. The technology is ready to go right now, but it will take political courage from our elected officials to step in and protect the American people from getting needlessly zinged.

The hysteria about the government wanting to take away your guns-that-shoot-flags is overblown and simply not based in fact. However, it seems appropriate to the vast majority of smart alecks that there should be some limits on these weapons. After all, the government regulates novelty flowers that squirt water, so there’s no reason guns that brutally reduce social standing shouldn’t be treated with that same level of scrutiny.

Furthermore, it simply makes no sense to allow high-capacity flag-shooting weaponry to get into the hands of civilians that haven’t been hired to perform at kids’ parties or man carnival booths. Preventing the sale of these implements of hilarity to people we know are unfit to have them is the only way to prevent the next mass pranking.

The appeal of buying a gun with a flag that reads “bang!” to make a burglar feel stupid so they’ll leave is understandable. It makes sense on an emotional level to want to protect the social standing of your loved ones, but the research shows that you are 12 times more likely to startle a family member than an intruder once a gun that shoots flags is introduced into the home.

Those are the facts.

Sadly, the novelty gun lobby has opposed even the most modest flag gun legislation, and donates millions to members of Congress every year to ensure that they vote against the best interests of Americans that don’t have time for nonsense. Our politicians are literally for sale to the highest bidder.

Until we change this corrupt system, thousands more will die of embarrassment.

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