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August 07, 2017

Desktop backgrounds are a great way to express your personality at work. But what if you don't have one?

Working in an office should be strictly about business, but sometimes coworkers try too hard to bring their personal lives into the mix. They put cute tchotchkes out on their desks, or display pictures of their families, or worst of all, have flashy desktop backgrounds that reflect their personalities and hobbies. But what if you have no personality or hobbies, and want your coworkers to know that without having to start up an awkward conversation? Here are the best desktop backgrounds to send a message to your colleagues that you’re about as interesting as a glass of room temperature milk.

The Grand Canyon


Everyone knows the Grand Canyon is neat. Liking this is basically the same as saying you like breathing— it’s boring and everyone does it. Selecting a pre-programed image of the Grand Canyon will make it clear that your desktop, much like your personality, is a generic default.

Color gradient


While your cubicle-mate might have a picture of her favorite Van Gough painting proudly displayed on her PC, you frankly don’t see the appeal. A color gradient background will demonstrate that your interest in visual arts runs the gamut of blue to a slightly lighter shade of blue.

Close-up of a random texture


It could be burlap, it could be grass, either way, an extreme close up of a random texture says absolutely nothing about you. In fact, it’s basically a metaphor for your coworkers that the closer they get to you, the less there is to see. Not that you’re interested in metaphors.

Water droplets


Water is the blandest of liquids, which is fitting because you are the blandest person in your office. Or any office.

Keep your computer off and stare at the black screen all day


If the previous suggestions are too flashy for your taste, this option is for you. Simply come into the office, sit in front of your turned-off computer, and stare into the black abyss for six to eight hours. Then get up and leave without saying a word. You might not get any work done, but at least everyone will finally realize that you are an empty vessel with no ability to engage with with outside stimulus. Mission accomplished!